Sunday, December 07, 2008

About this decison to retire

I have been surprised by the reaction I have received of telling others that I am retiring and moving to Oregon to write. As an act of faith. This literally is an act of faith. I know every logical reason why I should not do so. Yet, I know, I absolutely know this is the time. In spite of the great economic crisis. If I wait until the economy recovers, this book will not get written.

I said I know every logical reason. I know it seems I ought to be able to write this book while I continue to work at my present job. I am moving to Oregon for the energy of the trees and the mountains and now I have learned perhaps of the sea as well. I feel I am being directed to the coast as a location. We will see when I arrive. I am moving so that I can eliminate the distractions that seem to surround me. Family, friends, girlfriends, work, counseling. All provide distractions. Even this blog is a distraction at times but it will still be the best way to track my progress.

My pension is sufficient to pay my bills leaving very little for living expenses. There are ways around this including housesitting, caretaking or even a part time job. Yes, I have a perfectly good job and it makes no sense to leave it to go to Oregon to write and have to work a part time job to do so. But you see, you are thinking with you mind, with your logic. I am acting with my heart and my faith. It will all work out. I see the perfection of it all, of my life. I accept the perfection of all of my life.

It was just a year ago that I set up housekeeping but I will now sell all that out. For me it makes no sense to store stuff when I don't know where I'll live in year's time. The cash I raise along with five weeks vacation pay will be sufficient to get me to Oregon and to set me up for awhile.

During this past week, I signed my retirement papers and turned them in. My last day of work is January 30, 2009. I plan to hold a small retirement party and then cross the country with stops in Iowa, Missouri, California and finally Oregon. I don't exactly know where I'll end up.

There is no logical way that I can explain to you why I am doing what I am doing. I can only tell you that it is time for me to act. I have long known about this book and it is now time to write it. Please know that I am acting from my heart and from my faith.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

A Transformation

On August 20th I started a lengthy writing with God that took several days to complete. In some ways I wish it was possible to post the entire writing but when I typed it up, it ended up being 27 pages long. I started this writing telling God that I thought my move to Oregon and all it represents was possible, but not probable. I realized that there were just too many obstacles to overcome - including my financial obligations. From this start this writing went on quite a journey.

Moving to Oregon to write a book has raised lots of concerns and worries and fears. God and I spoke about my concerns as well as miracles, the burden of this book, types of faith and I even challenged God. Yes, I said I challenged God. While I may be afraid to make this move, I am more afraid to not make this move. I decided I would use my vacation in January to go to Oregon and start this book. I challenged God to meet me there and his response was: "I would rather we continue to make a commitment to your preparation keeping the timeline flexible. " My immediate response to that was not one of understanding but of frustration and irritation.
I waited until the next day to respond to it.

I realized making such a demand was just setting myself up for disappointment. I asked if I was really prepared. God and I reviewed my preparation over the years. Finally I asked what other preparation I needed. And God responded with:

Writing such a book is not something you do but something you are. It has to become part of your beingness. Even now this book is blooming in your beingness as you have been caught up in the doingness of it.

You have long understood that writing such a book is something you have to do. You have got caught up with all the doingness that is needed to create a time and space to write this book. But just now, in these recent times, within these past few writings, it has started to come into your being, into your beingness.

This book is not something you do, it is something you are.


My transformation started with that statement. I realized I had been caught up with the doingness of the book rather than the beingness of it. So I made three very powerful statements of my state of being. Let me share an excerpt from the writing. (God's voice is this color.)

I am a messenger of God.
I am a spiritual leader.
I am a prophet.
These are not titles of what I do – it is what I am.

I noticed you changed the order from the above list. Is it difficult for you to prioritize this list?

It is difficult to separate the three but I realized that I am primarily a Messenger of God.

How did you come to this conclusion?

Not much to conclude. I am a messenger of God. I am that. The spiritual leadership and being a prophet are just different aspects of being your messenger. I am that. I am that I am.

And how does that apply to our book , to being our book?

Being your messenger is not what I do, it is what I am. I can come up with every logical reason you can imagine for why I should not move to Oregon to write a book. There are obstacles in my way for doing so – obstacles of my own making – but perhaps the biggest obstacle is myself. I get too caught up in the doingness of it that I forget the beingness. I have stated that writing this book is something I must do. But that statement does not indicate the degree of my convictions. This book is part of my very being. I will never be satisfied, my soul will not be satisfied until this book is written. Even then I know my soul will not be satisfied as it will see the writing of the book as only the beginning.

It all begins with the book.

My spiritual leadership perhaps.

Let’s not get sidetracked with the aftermath of the book. Please continue your dissertation on this book being part of your beingness.

This book is not something that is in my mind . . . or my heart . . . but is in my soul. It is part of my beingness. I think that is what I meant when I challenged you to meet me in Oregon. Saying that I would use my vacation was my way of trying to play it safe. Saying damn the consequences let’s do it, was an expression of my beingness. It is a very real reflection of my soul.

Do you mean to say that your soul does not care about your well-being?

Let’s say not in the same way my mind does. As I say that, I am also very aware that my soul is a much more powerful creator than my mind is.

What does that mean to you?

Ultimately, my soul is in charge. My soul is my beingness, my beingness is my soul.

Say that again. Slower.

My soul is my beingness, my beingness is my soul.


Somewhere within this discussion, I was transformed. Literally transformed. I stepped away from doingness and into beingness. I was profoundly changed. Within a few lines of text I was profoundly changed. I sat and pondered this change and I came to several understandings which I will share:

My soul, my very being is in charge. After more pondering, I realize that my soul is not just a powerful creator but is equal to you (God) in creating ability. I have no reason to be of concern for my well-being.

The above statement surely is an indication of just how profound of a transformation I made. I have filled hundreds of pages with discussion with my worries and concerns about my move to Oregon. And now . . . I have no reason to be of concern for my well-being. I pondered this thought and share another excerpt:

It is not that my soul will take care of it – but that my soul already has.

Please expound upon that.

It is not if I will retire and find another income but that I already have.
It is not if I will move to Oregon but that I already have.
It is not if I have written the book but that we already have.
If is not if it will be published but that it already has been.
If is not if people will love the book but that they already do.


Yes, yes and yes. This does not come from your doingness but your beingness. We have spend hundreds of pages and years preparing you for these moments.

I don't know if these words and excerpts can explain just how profound of a transformation I went through. For the first few days I was in a euphoric state. I didn't write. It was difficult to do so -- I no longer had worries or concerns -- there was nothing to ask about. I was aware that on a soul level, I knew everything -- I had lost my curiosity.

While I did tell others, including my precious aunt, about this transformation; it has taken me this long to figure out how to blog about it. I don't think it does justice in explaining the experience.

But the aftermath of all this is that I have applied for my retirement papers and will most likely retire on February 1 and move to Oregon. I'm not sure how all of this will unfold. I am as curious as you are but I am not worried or concerned. Not even with all the recent Wall Street collapse My soul is in charge and I have no reason to be of concern for my well being. And that is perfect.

Friday, August 15, 2008

A continuing problem

I have a problem with this blog. I have said that it is difficult to keep it current. As I write nearly on a daily basis, it is difficult to keep things typed. Case in point is the post that will follow this one. I think all of my writings are interesting yet there are some writings that have more impact than others. Occasionally information is shared that is profound. And occasionally I receive a revelation. That is I receive information that I did not know before that reveals the nature of something I did not know before. That is exactly what happened during the writings of August 2 & 3.

I received a revelation about intercessional prayer. There were parts of that writing that left me stunned. It took me two days to receive this message. I don't think I will ever look at intercessional prayer the same way as I once did.

I apologize that I didn't get it typed until now. I guess I could blog about what I'm receiving as I'm receiving it but if I do that, then I won't be able to share an excerpt until a later date. So tell me, what would you prefer?

Friday, August 08, 2008

An Excerpt from July 27, 2008

No explanation necessary other than: My comments are in this color and God's responses are in this color.

So what’s on your mind?

You and Oregon.

How so?

You are worried.

I am always worried. I am not sure that your attempt to comfort/calm me works. Discussion about Oregon often make me feel anxious and often – frustrated.

What you mean is that it causes you to hope. Do you really fear to hope?

I guess I do. No, no that’s not right. I know I fear to hope. Or maybe I like to hope in secret.

You fear to hope because you do not want to be disappointed again.

True enough. Is that such a bad thing? I found it easier to stay in the moment and just let it unfold if I don’t get quite so involved.

How can you not be involved?? After all, it is you who is going to receive the book.

I will be glad – honored beyond belief – to receive your book. It is the process of getting there that I am not enjoying. I would have to check my past writings but it has been at least three years and maybe even five years that we have been discussing this. Many times I have gotten my hopes up only to be disappointed. I would rather wait until it unfolds rather than be disappointed – again. Frankly, you are not very accurate in your timing.

I beg to differ. My timing is perfect as everything about me is perfect. It is your interpretation of my timing that is inaccurate. Be that as it may

EXCUSE ME! I hate to interrupt

You don’t hate to interrupt anymore than I do. (Irony intended.)

Be that as it may

Cute. You are being very cute this morning.

May I continue?

Heaven forbid that I interrupt your interruption.

In these many writings you have, indeed, named specific times that I would be moving and I am still here.

I can answer this in two ways. One, I will remind you that you receive my message through your filter of reality. It may be your who is projecting these time lines. You often speak of your feelings of a timeline. I often go along with that because it serves my purpose or more accurately, my purpose of the moment, my purpose of that one writing.

That feels like such a bullshit answer. Never try to bullshit a bullshitter.

Trust me. I am the ultimate bullshitter. As I am the ultimate of anything and everything. You have no idea what my bullshitting looks like – trust me – I have not and am not currently bullshitting you. But I will remind you that I will use every means available to me to communicate my message – and yes, that means I would bullshit you if I deemed it necessary. I would even lie to you.

Stop. Stop right there. There is no way that anyone reading this is going to believe that God just said that – that God would lie if necessary. God does not lie. Period. God is truth. God does not lie.

You are correct. God does not lie but there can be truth in a lie if it serves my purpose. If telling you that you are moving in the spring or fall or whatever season I state is not true in the moment that I tell you so but serves the purpose of preparing ultimately for that trip – does that not serve the truth of purpose?

Let’s just say that I get that – and I’m not saying I do – but if I did – then how am I to trust these writings? How am I trust that I am actually going to retire and move to Oregon at the first of the year? How am I to trust these writings? How am I to trust that I am hearing the voice of God?

You can’t. I’m making all of this up. So are you. You are making this all up. Don’t you remember this from the Conversations With God material? We both are making this all up. We are holding this conversation because that is how you created it.

I should offer an explanation about God lying. This writing was ten pages long and this is another excerpt from this writing.

I guess it is time we discuss the statement you made earlier.

Yes, I guess it is. You understand why I said I would lie if necessary?

It took me a bit because that statement is contrary to my beliefs and my experience.

Really? Maybe you miss the point of why I said it.

Ok. Okay. So I admit that I have thought you have lied to me at times.

Not in the moment of hearing my words but when certain events have not come true?

Exactly.

Do you remember our discussions about being a prophet and being a false prophet? Do you remember what you learned about being a prophet from other sources as well?
That if a prophet gives a reading – that is receives what he receives – and that information is used to change the circumstances that reading was about and the prophecy does not come true then the prophet may be appear as a false prophet but has served his purpose nonetheless. He spoke the truth in the moment.


Stay tuned for other excerpts.

I find it difficult

I find it difficult to keep this blog current. First I must receive the writing. You might be interested to know that I spend a lot of time writing. I go out on my porch and I greet God good morning and it goes from there. Often I spend two or three hours on one writing. Particularly the lengthy ones. I never know where a writing is going to go and it might take even longer. One writng might continue over several days. I might receive several writings in one week and it's difficult to keep my typing current.

So if you are watching this blog on a daily basis, then you are going to be disappointed. But if you do check back from time to time, I think you will find the excerpts worth the wait.

Sorry, but at this time I am going to post files of the entire writings.

Stay tuned.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Excerpt from July 15, 2008

It had been nearly eight months since I communicated with God. I had tried in June to write but it had been rather choppy. I wondered if I could once again establish a connection with God that would flow as it once had. This writing went on to be some seven pages long. And yes it did flow. I haven't decided if I will provide a link that would give you assess to the entire writing or not. I'm not sure there is much interest in reading the entire document. I include a couple excerpts from that writing.

My comments are in this color and God's response are in this color.

I felt/feel like I might have caused a delay by not being in daily communication with you.

I tell you once and for all: you have not delayed anything. Frankly, you are not a powerful enough creator to stop that which I have put forth. Oregon continues. It has never stopped. Your preparation continues. It continues to this day and includes this day. It includes the reading of the writings of 2007 and it includes this writing. Nothing has changed! Nothing!

Recently during a physic reading I had been told of three great links I needed to break to leave the area. This excerpt is discussing these three links.

of three last great links that you must break to enable you to leave. These links have very much kept you anchored to this area. The first you have broken (divorce) and you are working on another at the present time. (relationship break up) The third is your job and it will be the hardest link to break.

Of this I have no doubt.

I am glad you understand this. It is going to require a great deal of energy and an ever greater portion of faith to do so.

I am aware that the current break up will give me more energy which I will need to break the final link.

Indeed you will. You will need to remain focused as there will be great turmoil as you end your job link. Retirement. Supplementary income. Possibilities will swirl around you but rest assured that if you remain focused on your end desire, you will see your through pathway the chaos and turmoil.

During much of the 2007 writings I felt I had the courage and faith to act; that in fact I was ready to act. But this year I have come to doubt that I have either. Retiring and moving to Oregon is an irreversible decision. My next few writings deal with those issues. As soon as I get them typed I will post excerpts.

A Not-So-Subtle Hint

Some time last month, my beloved aunt gave me a not-so-subtle hint that I should post some of writings. I being the stubborn nephew that I am, I ignored her. But I did agree to read my writings from 2007. That inspired me to I start writing again.

And just for the record, isn't it wonderful to have an aunt who loves you enough to push you? By the way, where do beloved aunt's go to learn how to push just the right amount -- not too hard, not too soft and then to hold you accountable?

As my beloved aunt strongly suggested that I should share some of my writings that is exactly what I am going to do. At the moment, I think I will only be sharing excerpts from my current writings. On occasion I might include the excerpt from 2007 that God and I are talking about, but other than that, I will endeavor to keep this blog current.

Gosh, now do you suppose that will satisfy my sweet aunt? I do so love her.

My Journey of the Heart continues

My Journey of the Heart continues. It has been over two years since I last posted. I have been busy since then. In 2007, I wrote hundreds of pages of dialogue and felt I would soon be moving to Oregon to write a book. That ended in October of 2007 and no, I did not go to Oregon.