A Transformation

On August 20th I started a lengthy writing with God that took several days to complete. In some ways I wish it was possible to post the entire writing but when I typed it up, it ended up being 27 pages long. I started this writing telling God that I thought my move to Oregon and all it represents was possible, but not probable. I realized that there were just too many obstacles to overcome - including my financial obligations. From this start this writing went on quite a journey.

Moving to Oregon to write a book has raised lots of concerns and worries and fears. God and I spoke about my concerns as well as miracles, the burden of this book, types of faith and I even challenged God. Yes, I said I challenged God. While I may be afraid to make this move, I am more afraid to not make this move. I decided I would use my vacation in January to go to Oregon and start this book. I challenged God to meet me there and his response was: "I would rather we continue to make a commitment to your preparation keeping the timeline flexible. " My immediate response to that was not one of understanding but of frustration and irritation.
I waited until the next day to respond to it.

I realized making such a demand was just setting myself up for disappointment. I asked if I was really prepared. God and I reviewed my preparation over the years. Finally I asked what other preparation I needed. And God responded with:

Writing such a book is not something you do but something you are. It has to become part of your beingness. Even now this book is blooming in your beingness as you have been caught up in the doingness of it.

You have long understood that writing such a book is something you have to do. You have got caught up with all the doingness that is needed to create a time and space to write this book. But just now, in these recent times, within these past few writings, it has started to come into your being, into your beingness.

This book is not something you do, it is something you are.

My transformation started with that statement. I realized I had been caught up with the doingness of the book rather than the beingness of it. So I made three very powerful statements of my state of being. Let me share an excerpt from the writing. (God's voice is this color.)

I am a messenger of God.
I am a spiritual leader.
I am a prophet.
These are not titles of what I do – it is what I am.

I noticed you changed the order from the above list. Is it difficult for you to prioritize this list?

It is difficult to separate the three but I realized that I am primarily a Messenger of God.

How did you come to this conclusion?

Not much to conclude. I am a messenger of God. I am that. The spiritual leadership and being a prophet are just different aspects of being your messenger. I am that. I am that I am.

And how does that apply to our book , to being our book?

Being your messenger is not what I do, it is what I am. I can come up with every logical reason you can imagine for why I should not move to Oregon to write a book. There are obstacles in my way for doing so – obstacles of my own making – but perhaps the biggest obstacle is myself. I get too caught up in the doingness of it that I forget the beingness. I have stated that writing this book is something I must do. But that statement does not indicate the degree of my convictions. This book is part of my very being. I will never be satisfied, my soul will not be satisfied until this book is written. Even then I know my soul will not be satisfied as it will see the writing of the book as only the beginning.

It all begins with the book.

My spiritual leadership perhaps.

Let’s not get sidetracked with the aftermath of the book. Please continue your dissertation on this book being part of your beingness.

This book is not something that is in my mind . . . or my heart . . . but is in my soul. It is part of my beingness. I think that is what I meant when I challenged you to meet me in Oregon. Saying that I would use my vacation was my way of trying to play it safe. Saying damn the consequences let’s do it, was an expression of my beingness. It is a very real reflection of my soul.

Do you mean to say that your soul does not care about your well-being?

Let’s say not in the same way my mind does. As I say that, I am also very aware that my soul is a much more powerful creator than my mind is.

What does that mean to you?

Ultimately, my soul is in charge. My soul is my beingness, my beingness is my soul.

Say that again. Slower.

My soul is my beingness, my beingness is my soul.

Somewhere within this discussion, I was transformed. Literally transformed. I stepped away from doingness and into beingness. I was profoundly changed. Within a few lines of text I was profoundly changed. I sat and pondered this change and I came to several understandings which I will share:

My soul, my very being is in charge. After more pondering, I realize that my soul is not just a powerful creator but is equal to you (God) in creating ability. I have no reason to be of concern for my well-being.

The above statement surely is an indication of just how profound of a transformation I made. I have filled hundreds of pages with discussion with my worries and concerns about my move to Oregon. And now . . . I have no reason to be of concern for my well-being. I pondered this thought and share another excerpt:

It is not that my soul will take care of it – but that my soul already has.

Please expound upon that.

It is not if I will retire and find another income but that I already have.
It is not if I will move to Oregon but that I already have.
It is not if I have written the book but that we already have.
If is not if it will be published but that it already has been.
If is not if people will love the book but that they already do.

Yes, yes and yes. This does not come from your doingness but your beingness. We have spend hundreds of pages and years preparing you for these moments.

I don't know if these words and excerpts can explain just how profound of a transformation I went through. For the first few days I was in a euphoric state. I didn't write. It was difficult to do so -- I no longer had worries or concerns -- there was nothing to ask about. I was aware that on a soul level, I knew everything -- I had lost my curiosity.

While I did tell others, including my precious aunt, about this transformation; it has taken me this long to figure out how to blog about it. I don't think it does justice in explaining the experience.

But the aftermath of all this is that I have applied for my retirement papers and will most likely retire on February 1 and move to Oregon. I'm not sure how all of this will unfold. I am as curious as you are but I am not worried or concerned. Not even with all the recent Wall Street collapse My soul is in charge and I have no reason to be of concern for my well being. And that is perfect.