Book Progress

No progress report could be complete without mentioning what I have accomplished with my book editing.

I have spent some time perfecting the book's typography format. It's looking good, even if I do say so myself. This is done with an eye to self publishing but we shall see.

One of my housemates serves as my editor. She has not been familiar with my past writings and so brings a new perspective that I respect. Her insights are very valuable. At her suggestion I have even been known to delete whole paragraphs--even half page at a time.
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So I imagine that leaves a question in your mind if I edit God's words. The simple answer is yes--judiciously. And I might add, often with God's input. I am very careful never to change the context. Mostly it's errors in grammar that I'm correcting.

That being said, I have completed the Author's Note, The Introduction, and Chapter One. Now, that is not how I originally laid it out. The Introduction was Chapter One, and Chapter was Chapter Two. No matter. So I was ready to move onto the next chapter--what had been known as Chapter Three.

As I started editing, it didn't seem to make sense. It didn't flow from where the last chapter left off. And then it referenced something to the last chapter that didn't exist in the last chapter. I got very confused as to what was going on.

Finally I noticed the dates of the writings and realized a day was missing. Luckily, when I compiled my daily writings into chapters, I had saved the daily writings separately and was able to find the missing chapter. Seven pages worth. And that's what I'm working on now. I took time out to make these posts.

On Wednesday I will returning to Santa Rosa to have Thanksgiving with my cousins and will spend the long weekend with them. One of my cousins from Illinois will be visiting and we are all scheduled to visit Yosemite National Park on Monday. I hope to return to here by Tuesday.

As Thanksgiving approaches I am extremely grateful for my life. This Journey has not been easy, but I have no regrets. None. Gratitude is my attitude.

Blessed Be!

Personal Progress

Several weeks ago I posted a writing I received from God in which He strongly suggested that I excise the nasty habits I have of self-judgment and self-loathing. Only in the vaguest sense have I reported my progress in this effort. I have mentioned that I had been working personal processes that my housemates had been supporting in.

I now wish to give a progress report. In actuality I had excised these habits just prior to our visit to the Sequoia National Forest. As is typical with me it involved a two part emotional process which took place over a week's time.

The first part is always the most difficult which is getting "in touch" with the feelings. The deeper the issue the more difficult this is to do. I can say that this issue was at the deepest core of my very being. I have never worked a deeper issue and it was highly emotional.

I got in touch with the very source of my self-judgment and self-loathing. It was not that I didn't love myself. It wasn't because I thought I was unlovable. It was because I hated myself.

Now, I know that is a shocking statement and many of you will want to immediately refute it. But I can tell you that it took a great deal of effort to get to that feeling. The good news is once you get in touch with something, then you can process it and heal it.

It is a peculiarity of mine that once I get in touch with such feelings I like to "be" with it for a while before I further process it. I figure it has taken me a lot of effort and energy to get in touch with whatever I'm processing. Once I have done so, I like to figure out how it has served me and my life. Once I understand I am then willing to release it.

Due to circumstances I did not have the luxury of spending as much time with these feelings as I would have liked. Two days later in the second part of the process I emotionally released the self-hatred which often manifested itself as self-judgment and self-loathing.

As is also typical with me, I have written a narrative of my process but have yet to decide if I will post it here. I do think that others might gain insight to their own lives by sharing it but it is deeply personal and I haven't decided to share it yet.

I am posting this limited report on my progress. I can tell you that these nasty habits have been excised as God had suggested. I really do follow His guidance in nearly all aspects of my life. The habits are simply gone and have been replaced with self-love which continues to manifest itself in interesting ways.

My choice to get off sugar is one of ways. Another is how I presently criticize myself. When I observe something I haven't accomplished, a fault, or even a mistake, I really don't judge myself about it. I observe it, and see the opportunity for improvement. There is no judgment, just opportunity.

So with love and affection and maybe even a little pride, I can say: The Journey continues.

Two Weeks!

As of tomorrow it will be two weeks without sugar! As in all things in my life, it has been an interesting journey. It has not been without its failures: The 2nd day I had a breath mint. Yes, I know that seems like a small thing but it was an unconscious thought at intermission during a play. A week ago I had a bottle of Gatorade while at the movies. I had selected it instead of a bottle of water and at $3 a bottle I wasn't going to throw it away. I chart my success and I did not allow myself to mark[X] those two days as successes even if to the greater degree they were.

This has been a far greater struggle than I thought it would be. I expected to have wtihdrawals and cravings during the first 72 hours, but this has lasted As amazing as it might seem for those who know me, I have not craved chocolate. Instead I crave sugar in general. Yesterday was a day of struggle. I didn't dare allow myself go out alone to eat or even to the store. I am happy to report that it became a red letter day.

I am happy with my success so far. It has forced me to eat even healthier than I was. Fruit is the only sugar I allow myself. I don't even drink fruit juice.

I am equally happy to report that today is an empowered day. I was able to go to the store to shop. I even found some sugar-free creamer so that I can start having coffee again. I have not been able to find my favorite Southern Roasted Pecan coffee out here. That's a hint to all those Santa's out there.

You're Not Going To Believe This

Over last weekend my housemates and I went up into the Sierra Nevada mountains to Sequoia National Forest to hold a retreat. We stayed in what was formerly housing for lumberjacks. It wasn't as rustic as that sounds, as this was a modern lumber camp. This picture is not of that area. (This was taken in the park by the condominium complex we live in.)

I had left my camera in Santa Rosa during my last visit. We visited the 100 Giants trail which was about 10 miles from where we stayed. It was great to walk beside these giant Sequoias. Many of these were even bigger than what I saw when visiting the Ave of the Giants. My friend took a few pictures and when she sends them to me, I'll post them. Now that I got that out of the way, let me get back to what happened during the retreat.

If you are a reader of this blog, then you are use to reading about profound and miraculous events in my life. This retreat was not like that. I didn't work any deep issues through some emotional process. The whole point about working one's issues is about gaining personal power. What we learned this weekend just adds to that. This retreat was designed as a growth experience. We studied the five levels of intention and personal empowerment. We looked and studied seven ways we mismanage personal power and seven techniques to developing personal power.

During this retreat I came to recognize many of the ways I waste my personal energy. One of those ways is my addiction. And I have decided to change that. As of today. In the ways of all recovering addicts I shall just concentrate on today. Yep, you're not going to believe this, but I'm going to get off sugar.

Those of you who know me personal (and that's mostly who reads this blog) you know that I have been addicted to sugar for years, even decades. As I was recently told I am diabetic, this will improve my health as well.

I have had, do have a terrible, terrible sweet tooth that I over indulge. Twice in my life I have gotten off sugar when I was dieting. I hated doing so. This is a different mind set. It's about personal empowerment. The next 72 hours is usually the worse. I have a headache, I am irritable and grouchy. I have warned my housemates about this withdrawal period. They have joyfully offered to let me be as grouchy as I want. Which of course means, I probably won't be. (It's not nearly as much fun being grouchy if others think it's okay to be and even welcome it as part of your personal process.)

That is exactly why I am here living with these friends. I have been working on deep personal issues through many processes including very emotional processes. My friends have supported me through these processes just as they are with my withdrawal from my sugar addiction. We lovingly support each other. As much as it is possible we live in unconditional love.

Meanwhile, I have made progress on editing the book. The Author's Note, Introduction and Chapter One are complete. That's not how I wrote it. The Introduction was Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 is now Chapter 1. One of my friends in the house is proofreading the edited work and providing valuable feed back. I spent 4 days on Chapter 1. (I only work in the morning-early afternoon for 4 hours.) I like how the chapter came out. It is presently in my friend's hands to proofread.

I am left with only one thought out the editing process: if it took me 4 days to edit 10 pages, how long will it take to edit the two 90 page chapters that I have?

I'll report my progress on both my sugar addiction and editing.

The Journey continues.