Wednesday morning I got up at 5:30 and wrote. I haven't done that since I lived in Oregon. There is something magical about the hour before dawn.Several years ago, while I was still working second shift, I often got up early every day and made my way to the riverfront. I would write for several hours before my literacy student showed up for our tutoring session.
Those communications with God are some of my favorite. They were filled with a wide variety of emotions--grief, anger, frustration as well as joy, love and gratitude.
Even then I knew I would leave to go to Oregon to write a book. It may seem to many who have kept up with this blog that I have abandoned the book and my path. That would be far from the truth.
Yesterday's writing affirmed all that I am currently doing--including coming back to Illinois to once again be in relationship. I am extremely excited about the prospects of being a step-father. Yes, yes, I know that, too, seems like a miracle. And maybe it is.
As I wrote, I realized that once I was living with what I have come to think of as "my" family, and was getting up early to help get the girls off to school, I could easily re-establish my writing habit. Let me share an excerpt from yesterday's writing.
"Few men in your situation would see the advantage of getting up early to spend time with me. They would not see or understand the benefit for their families. Few men. And I will and do sing your praises accordingly. I sing to the heavens on your behalf.
I never thought I would have such a family. It is such a precious, precious gift that I do not think I would have appreciated at a previous time in my life. I think I would have only seen the burden--a consequence to my actions.
This family is a consequence of your actions; it is a consequence of your heart. These children do not come from your loins, yet you love them so dearly. You love them so dearly that tears came to your eyes out of gratitude. Do you realize how great of a man of heart, of faith that you are? Yet you think, it is untold for me to sing your praises?
My dear God, I come to family late in my life; at a time when I can appreciate the gift that such a family is.
I observe that many men only truly appreciate their families as it matures. I think they get so caught up in the routine of providing for and raising their families that they take it for granted. I think the moments that they cherish their families is fleeting. I do not wish--in any way--to diminish their devotion to their families for I do know they love their families.
But, my dear Lord, I have not done anything to bring this family into fruition. I do not know what it means to be responsible for a family--neither in its creation or in its continued sustenance. I have not been burdened by said responsibilities--and in fact will not be so burdened with this family. I am not currently burdened with going to a job to provide for said family.
So it is easy for me to cherish this family, to cherish "my" family. I am grateful for this opportunity, but it does not mean I am worthy of your praise. Instead, my dear Lord, hold your praise for those men, for those women who have been responsible for their actions. Praise those who get up and start another day even though they are tired. Praise those who do not have the time to start their days with devotions to you because they are devoted to their families. Praise those who are so devoted to their families that they lose themselves—they forget who they are except in the context of family.
My dear son, I realize you are on a tirade for all the unsung, under-praised heroes of all the unsung families—but I will not allow you to dismiss the significance of what you are doing.
It cannot be ignored that many have observed you to be an extremely selfish man who has done what he wanted when he wanted. Many thought your actions of retiring to go off to write a book—even if it was with me—to be a very selfish act. Some even thought it as the act of being irresponsible.
Few, I repeat, few saw it as the act of faith it was. And few will see you going back to Illinois to be the head of this family as the act of it is as well. But I see it, I know it to be such an act and I do sing your praises because of it!"
You can read the entire writing by clicking here: Gratitude, Responsibility, and Faith
You may notice I have shaved in this picture. It's been many, many years since I was clean shaven. Not since I was a professional clown. I was amazed to learn that while I had dated the woman who I am going into relationship with for over two years, she never told me that my beard tickled her. Sometimes love means being clean shaven.
Blessings to your all.
