Still Driven

I continue to be driven to work--writing, transcribing and editing.  I had caught up with all of my transcribing and started the red ink editing process on my previously edited material.

I have gone over six chapters.   I cut a bit out of them and added other bits.  I am happy with them, at least for the moment. 

I was fully prepared this week to spend time on Chapter 7 which will have to be divided into many smaller chapters.

I felt Spirit was directing me to write, so Tuesday morning I sat down with a cup of tea to do so.

Oh my!

The conversation continued for five days and ended up being 46 pages (over 90 pages in total) in my notebook.  It's been quite some time since I had a writing of this length.

The conversation/writing over the last two day was particularly meaningful.  Through reflection I came to a great and profound understanding about what seemed to be unrelated events over the last year or so.  I may post part of it when I get it transcribed.  I had caught up with my transcribing but I am sure this will take me a couple of days to get into the computer. 

Money issues continue to plague me. (When haven't they?)  I had a flat tire a week ago.  Luckily just outside my complex although I did have to change it in a cold rain.  I am still driving on the spare as I have to wait until the first when my pension kicks in again to have it repaired.  (Can't help but fondly remember an old co-worker of mine that often ran on this spare tire.)   I have come to love Campbell's soup. :)  Hopefully I will get a tax refund and replace a couple of tires.

Money issues seem so trivial to me, as I am absolutely exhilarated about the work I am doing.

The Journey continues . . . Blessings to you all!

Driven

Today is a significant day in the process of editing my book. With a red pen in hand, I start the physical editing.

As of late, I have been driven--absolutely driven to work on the book.  I haven't felt like this since I wrote the book while in Oregon.  I'm not sure if I felt this driven even then.

Interestingly enough my current work has not involved the actual book, but in gaining the proper perspective to edit the next section of the book. I have been surprised at how driven I have been as Spirit directs this process. Let give you an example of just how driven.

Hopefully, some of you have been readings my Facebook posts along with these blog posts. If so, you will know I was granted a scholarship to attend Jean Houston's Mystery School workshop last weekend. It was a huge blessing, and I had several profound experiences while there.

I like to arrive rested for the weekend and as it is a six hour drive I drove up a day early.  I was able to have dinner and spend overnight with a dear and beloved friend. 

This dear friend introduced me to Brother Tree, who many of you know is very special to me.  I have communicated and communed with this tree.  As I had not seen Brother Tree since last October prior to returning to Illinois to be in a committed relationship, I had planned to do so on Friday morning before making my way to Mystery School.

As I drove up Interstate 5, I mused over my upcoming visit with Brother Tree.  I wondered if my friend would be able to join me, if I would go alone, how I might spend my time with Brother Tree, what I would like to talk to him about, etc.  Spirit then spoke to me.  "It would be better if you spent time working." 

I was shocked.  I always enjoy my time with Brother Tree and am always renewed, refreshed from the experience.  Spirit was not telling me I couldn't go, but that my time would be better spent working.

As I continued my musing, I was shown how much time I had taken off for the Mystery School, how much I was not getting done by attending.  I was also shown it would be better if I went home directly after Mystery School finished on Sunday afternoon instead of lingering as I usually do.  I was shown I should not linger and return on Monday as I had planned.  I was told, "You have work to do on Monday."

As Spirit is directing this editing process, I acquiesced.  I did not go to see Brother Tree.  Instead I went to the IONS center and set in the sun and continued a writing I had been working on.

On Sunday, I returned to my home in Chatsworth.  I woke up early, made my way to the local Panera's and sat and transcribed my last two writings.  I had over five notebooks of writings to transcribe.  Pre-relationship and post-relationship writings along with current writings.  That work completed yesterday. 

I believe I have gained the proper perspective to edit the next chapters of the book which are on sexuality and spirituality.  But first, I must review all that has been previously edited.

With red pen in hand . . . the work continues . . . I am driven to an unknown deadline . . . as the journey continues.


And yes, Spirit knew I was taking time to write this post.

Purple

Although there has been much going on in my life, I have not blogged since September when I triumphantly announced Life is Wonderful.

And it remains wonderful.

Even if things have not worked out as I thought they might.

I returned to be in relationship with my beloved. A month later she asked me to leave.

I have not known heartache quite like this. I knew I had to go off and heal my heart and my spirit. I came back to my friends in California. I have even come back to the same household. Just not the same room.


I returned to the room I first lived in. It had since been painted purple. I live in a purple room as you see pictured here.

For all of you who think that purple is not an appropriate color for a man to live in, I invite you, I sincerely invite you to step out of your judgment. (It's that much better than telling you to f. . . well you get the idea.)

Over the last year I have come to feel quite empowered by the color purple. I found it the perfect environment to heal in. I have struggled to heal my heart. I have to be very diligent in my processing to keep my heart open and not to fall into the trap of embitterment.

I recently added new bed linen. The bedspread is a deep plum purple. (Very masculine. lol) The sheets match the wall color.  The bedspread blocks out all the light in the room as well.

The truth is that while I have been posting on Facebook, I have not been up to sharing the story of my life on these pages. I will try to correct this as I have gained great insight into the nature of relationship.

Meanwhile, I have been working, working, working on my book. I had over 200 pages of dialogue about this relationship both pre- and post-return. I have added 150 more pages since arriving here.
Spirit has been guiding me as I transcribe all of this material. I move from pre-return writing, to post-writing, to current, back to pre-, back to post, back to current. All in an effort to bring a new perspective to my book. I will now edit it through the filter of relationship.

One of the things I have learned from this dialogue with God is "Relationship is the ultimate expression of intimacy with self."

The budget continues to be tight.  Campbell's Soup is my friend.  Now, where is that tax return form . .

Blessings upon you all.