tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-224808582024-03-13T00:33:05.117-07:00A Journey of the HeartA memoir of how I found peace and harmony for my life <br>and along the way found out how to love myself.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.comBlogger157125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-86577491231989146972011-10-09T13:30:00.000-07:002011-10-09T13:30:21.629-07:00My Wandering Path<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnK_5EYycI_PyGd-IdpsMlMJGXlveLa6kN_WO1FwA7IAEce1n_AEct-sZ7tf8B5P3YRV3gu7Ebfqu7Fjmurv4xTA_Vw2bKVcDVnhyphenhyphen6bua_iHxwwgtWbt-5qdEqj5h8DSS8ojPRiA/s1600/DSCN1182-2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnK_5EYycI_PyGd-IdpsMlMJGXlveLa6kN_WO1FwA7IAEce1n_AEct-sZ7tf8B5P3YRV3gu7Ebfqu7Fjmurv4xTA_Vw2bKVcDVnhyphenhyphen6bua_iHxwwgtWbt-5qdEqj5h8DSS8ojPRiA/s640/DSCN1182-2.JPG" width="284" /></a></div>I began this third edit when I was taking care of Blue. This edit has taken me on a wondering path, and at times the path has felt uphill and the end was off in the distance. This photo seems to exemplify that.<br />
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I would like to think the end is in sight, but I have no idea when it will come. I am diligently working on this draft and much has been accomplished. The Introduction has become the first chapter and I need to write a new Introduction. I have cut 25,000 words. Chapter after chapter lay in the waste. I love my words--don't all writers?--but these words needed to go and the book is improved by it. Oh, and the end will have be rewritten. <br />
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I have finished entering all these red-ink edits into the computer. It's time to print out another edited version, and start again. I just seem to work better using hard copy. I still have a goal of having it ready for a publisher or to self publish by the first of the year.<br />
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For today, I'm celebrating having cut 25,000 words. It's down to 120,000 words. Now maybe I can cut another 5-10,000. Dare I dream of 20,000?<br />
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Blessings to all who continue to hold me, and this book, in their thoughts and prayers.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-67083440632350666282011-10-06T10:38:00.000-07:002011-10-06T10:38:27.168-07:00My Commute<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyL0NdHlApttDPBJLBloNobikMEJp9TkM2FIrNMLSGj8xcjeSeK5-HjMLPj1PUqRZas6IBHeny2bVMfnVEenFaPbwdyJsiNEbIviugosrx-t6mrZ_vQ18Y0X_5igjZq9ZoDZnwQ/s1600/DSCN1243.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyL0NdHlApttDPBJLBloNobikMEJp9TkM2FIrNMLSGj8xcjeSeK5-HjMLPj1PUqRZas6IBHeny2bVMfnVEenFaPbwdyJsiNEbIviugosrx-t6mrZ_vQ18Y0X_5igjZq9ZoDZnwQ/s400/DSCN1243.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>I have been commuting for almost two weeks now and was surprised to realize I was indeed, commuting. I have been working on the major rewrite of my book. This is the third, and final, draft. (That doesn't mean I'm not willing to do another draft, I just feel when I am finished with this one, it will be ready.) <br />
I am living with friends in Sherman Oaks. I like to go down to the Palisades to work. First at a Starbucks and then move over to the library when it opens. This requires a commute. On work days, I get up and go off to write/edit. I have tried various times--7:30, 8:30, 9:30. The commute can still be terrific--45-55, even 65 minutes. A normal drive would be 35.<br />
Knowing I was going to post this blog, I tried to get a picture of my commute, but the pics I got don't do justice to what it's like. <br />
This blog is not meant to be a complaint, but a simply sharing of my current life. I don't have any anxiety over the commute as I am always on the way to the work I LOVE. I often listen to a book on drive, but most of all I am just thankful--<i>I am living the life I love. How wonderful is that!</i><br />
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<i>Blessings to all. </i>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-59344035205033776862011-09-03T21:40:00.000-07:002011-09-03T21:40:37.757-07:00Something New, something Blue<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnpn7_XY78uynw1UfpOQSFZ2WfDOlLo8AZm6eDJ5frikzL-KWCthfpeMfkXaqRmrv3VC3bdCvBQLTQ8T4Fz4Y_2WEYc0ulMkq91un1HYke5rJaVLkVeBaUpgNOoSIdGh2wAfEtnA/s1600/DSCN1182-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnpn7_XY78uynw1UfpOQSFZ2WfDOlLo8AZm6eDJ5frikzL-KWCthfpeMfkXaqRmrv3VC3bdCvBQLTQ8T4Fz4Y_2WEYc0ulMkq91un1HYke5rJaVLkVeBaUpgNOoSIdGh2wAfEtnA/s320/DSCN1182-1.JPG" width="220" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4LkP5A4wy3dpphG40X7pVD6zPWnr7jznZhmJQshomjKaPQz3d2-dvdYy-ENM_urS26XNk2FX9saXar_H8S7fGAXju8vJfPY-LE4Ct7xTnd4_ap74uySxpkoJE_F1X1aWRLF_yrw/s1600/DSCN1183-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4LkP5A4wy3dpphG40X7pVD6zPWnr7jznZhmJQshomjKaPQz3d2-dvdYy-ENM_urS26XNk2FX9saXar_H8S7fGAXju8vJfPY-LE4Ct7xTnd4_ap74uySxpkoJE_F1X1aWRLF_yrw/s320/DSCN1183-1.JPG" width="231" /></a></div>Since returning from my visit back to the Midwest, I have been house-sitting. Something new for me is the responsibility to walk the dog twice a day. Most days we walk along this trail. These photos are taken in the early morning before the marine layer and fog has burned off. On average we take a 30 minute walk. Yep, me exercising--twice a day! That certainly is something new for me. And the dog's name is Blue. He's just about the coolest dog ever!<br />
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As to the rest of my life, the third and the final draft of my book has commenced. I haven't got to the tough part yet but I have skimmed off a 1,000 words.<br />
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This housesit is complete next Tuesday and I'll linger here in the Monterey area for a couple more days before traveling up the Marysville to visit friends.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikUccJFedKkM8RREgu3A3WgXpD_38MnJ78Gvw2pyqwJKjqOLbrqf3BNpPBZbjxR2ULL1CmmjDfEvEdgja4rwPhPENastXLc-ND5eE1Lzh1MCz0YoI78EZj7LE1HjZAfAuILGFEAg/s1600/DSCN1187-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikUccJFedKkM8RREgu3A3WgXpD_38MnJ78Gvw2pyqwJKjqOLbrqf3BNpPBZbjxR2ULL1CmmjDfEvEdgja4rwPhPENastXLc-ND5eE1Lzh1MCz0YoI78EZj7LE1HjZAfAuILGFEAg/s320/DSCN1187-1.JPG" width="193" /></a></div> Blessings to all!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-FHRW3MKHUC97JnqLp9bdetmVyGjPtkiZSYTfzUTP1Vc4rmZgJAap4l6Rc-_H_bAS8crZJ-xnoQH5C-xBm4HJQp3ppn2PKoFa7_wCPhoizQrfL0DF2rPIPyxQn0GV-EJD1LNrJw/s1600/DSCN1186-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-FHRW3MKHUC97JnqLp9bdetmVyGjPtkiZSYTfzUTP1Vc4rmZgJAap4l6Rc-_H_bAS8crZJ-xnoQH5C-xBm4HJQp3ppn2PKoFa7_wCPhoizQrfL0DF2rPIPyxQn0GV-EJD1LNrJw/s320/DSCN1186-1.JPG" width="218" /></a></div><br />
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Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-67169958688492475862011-07-24T12:15:00.000-07:002011-07-24T12:15:38.024-07:00The Journey Continues<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUbp3tOzdlvf_J9OHRC38_cn3sBNMvQz0NmDJKR-XeN-zWWqfk2UnRcuWD8KQeURDocNbSvcqrM_KoEXs2_LfJBRuS_M_9R-rhNFjEz_CxPihE7-t5dhz9GPkW4OoKcKGoOWqQ0Q/s1600/DSCN1146.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUbp3tOzdlvf_J9OHRC38_cn3sBNMvQz0NmDJKR-XeN-zWWqfk2UnRcuWD8KQeURDocNbSvcqrM_KoEXs2_LfJBRuS_M_9R-rhNFjEz_CxPihE7-t5dhz9GPkW4OoKcKGoOWqQ0Q/s400/DSCN1146.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Quail Springs - Joshua Tree National Park</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</tbody></table>A few weeks ago I proudly announced I had finished the second draft of my book. Some 300+ pages and 145,000. I think I may have announced I wanted to cut 30,000-40,000 words from the text. Since then I had a interesting discussion with God. These occurred over three days and were like none other I had experienced. The bottom line of which is the book needs a major re-write. That's how God describes it to me. Seems He didn't like the description of a vicious or drastic edit. A major re-write somehow sounds better.<br />
And while I like to think I have a very good connection with the Divine, it seems I am not fully prepared for this work. I have been spending time becoming even more centered, more grounded and more connected. I even got up the other day before dawn and went off to the park. After sunrise, I spent a few minutes writing here in Quail Springs. What a beautiful place! As this is the desert it is best to visit in early morning.<br />
Those who have never written a book have been amazed by the process, as I have been. All I can say, is the journey continues.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-59816943540427103622011-06-28T14:12:00.002-07:002011-06-28T14:14:10.592-07:00It's Finished!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ngTW56zKJ1OI-j0N8uHaZaA7xzYy4Tl0hHyVfNxW_iyMimbAmrS-AUUs58-YFPAA-fcGvgqOGfS0FRm4qoKOWTcJRZPZxC7sFUZEMAP9004gDHCoXkz50hQLJWxXEewPngu_9g/s1600/spirituality+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ngTW56zKJ1OI-j0N8uHaZaA7xzYy4Tl0hHyVfNxW_iyMimbAmrS-AUUs58-YFPAA-fcGvgqOGfS0FRm4qoKOWTcJRZPZxC7sFUZEMAP9004gDHCoXkz50hQLJWxXEewPngu_9g/s400/spirituality+1.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I am happy to announce I have finished the 2nd draft of my book. I finished editing everything I had written and printed while in Santa Rosa in early June. I knew there was to be one final chapter which would include real life writings. Frankly I liked how the previous chapter had ended and did not see the need for this chapter. Yet I went along with God's plan, and selected several writings, including one narrative about an event I was both embarrassed and humiliated by as well as I writing I simply didn't want used.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I finished the last chapter about a week ago and have just been soaking that in. It's a marvelous feeling. So at present the chapter stands at 40 pages with the book finishing up at 340 pages and 145,000 words. Oh, and the writing I didn't want used didn't get used. The last words of the book were God's:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="GOD" style="color: #0b5394; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">So I say onto you, as I say onto my people:</span></div><div style="color: #0b5394;"></div><div class="GOD" style="color: #0b5394; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Judge yourself less, love yourself more.</i></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Isn't this photo stunning? It's called Blue Sky and was taken in Scotland by Bill Lockhart. You can find other stunning photos and his blog at www.billlockharts.com. I have permission to use this photo on the cover of the book. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The book is now officially titled <b style="color: #0b5394;"><i>Reality Spirituality</i></b><span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span>and I am leaning more and more towards the idea of self publishing. So the next step in the process is the 3rd draft, I would like to carve 30-40,000 words from it. I would then like to send it off to a professional editor who charges $250-300 per 20,000 words. (A great motivation to cut words.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Meanwhile I continue to work part time/full time as a housesitter. In May I had a marvelous time sitting with a couple of dogs near Sacramento and am presently sitting with three dogs near Joshua Tree National Park. It's very hot here, over 100 most days, but the swampcooler keeps the place cool. Oh and they have HBO and I am able to see TrueBlood. What's not to love?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I finish here in August with enough time to make it back to Iowa for my family reunion and I hope to make it over to Illinois to visit family and friends. It's a quick 10 day trip and then I commence another housesit up near Carmel, California.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The journey continues . . . . Life is Wonderful! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-89574572886760198132011-05-02T16:49:00.002-07:002011-05-02T16:53:12.282-07:00A Few More Chapters with an End in Sight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih1iU15fg3HFPgjiugYD-SH-LDzVpLrRFQm7y9cXm89-d-YkFbNk8xw3ZVYgeqmBpG9oO3P25nKG42r6-j-3k2jVw1rG99jeX9_RQB1FCO2jOfiHnjWK5X8693QJH_LhB2gKeBMA/s1600/lilacs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih1iU15fg3HFPgjiugYD-SH-LDzVpLrRFQm7y9cXm89-d-YkFbNk8xw3ZVYgeqmBpG9oO3P25nKG42r6-j-3k2jVw1rG99jeX9_RQB1FCO2jOfiHnjWK5X8693QJH_LhB2gKeBMA/s320/lilacs.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>I imagine the lilacs are starting to bloom back in Illinois. I yearn to inhale their fragrance. I do enjoy my life in California but there is something so alive about springtime in the Midwest.<br />
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I have carved out a couple more chapters since my last progress report. I just put the finishing touches on Chapter 20. Just a few more to go with about 50 pages to go. The book now stands at 240 pages. Please remember this is just the 2nd draft.<br />
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So let me update the table of contents. <br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; text-indent: 0in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 16 </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> Finally, We Meet</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 17 </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> The Affair Ends</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 18 </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> On Fire</span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> </span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 19 </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> Many Faiths</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><b style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 20 </span></b><i style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> Love & Faith</span></i><br />
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I am also happy to report I have been hired by a lovely couple up near Sacramento to housesit and care for their beloved dogs . This will ease my budget and lets me breathe a little easier. There's possibilities of other housesitting gigs as well. Life is Wonderful!<br />
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The Journey continues . . .Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-39213520921813905832011-04-19T10:49:00.000-07:002011-04-19T10:49:10.700-07:00I'm Being Silly - I know that. Really, I know that.It took great personal fortitude this morning for me to let go of something meaningful in my life. I had tried several times over the last couple of months to release it. In fact, I would release it, and then take it back. I'm talking about my beloved sleep shorts. <br />
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Yes, yes, I know the women reading this are rolling their eyes, and groaning, "Men!" Oh they know we are prone to this syndrome. We become attached to underwear, T-shirts, ball-caps and yes sleep shorts. We become absolutely attached, they become beloved items in our wardrobe, and we can even go into panic at just the idea of parting from them.<br />
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Outsiders marvel at our display of loyalty. These items become ragged, worn thin, and maybe even full of holes. And when someone hints they should be discarded, we snatch them back out of their glutches and hold them protectively to our chests--close to the heart. We look at our loved ones, seeing them for what they are--crazed, depraved, and moan "they just got comfortable."<br />
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I can admit, in general, men are not strong enough to let such things go. We just can't. It feels too disloyal. Luckily, many of us marry strong wives who have no compunction about such things. They routinely discard them usually with a look of disgust. <br />
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Once we learn our loved one had the nerve to throw our beloved item away, we will immediately throw a tantrum. This is a ritual of thanksgiving for the loved one doing what we could not. And please understand holding a grudge is part of our grief process and let me remind you doctors have said grief is a two year process.<br />
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But alas, I am divorced. There is no wive to play this vital role in my life. I had to do it . . . gasp . . . on my own.<br />
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I noticed my old friend (my sleep shorts) was not in good as shape as of late. The cloth around the elastic was wearing away. I didn't mind . . . they were comfortable. I didn't mind they had faded . . . they were comfortable. I didn't mind when the first little pinhole showed up . . . they were comfortable. I didn't mind when the hole got a bit larger, or when another hole appeared . . . they were comfortable. I justified keeping them, nothing vital was revealed. Many times I had thought I should replace them . . . but they were comfortable. Each wash cycle they were a little worse for the wear . . . but they were comfortable.<br />
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This morning I heard the garbage truck picking up the recyclables and knew it was time. I showered, changed clothes and picked up my beloved friend, my beloved sleep shorts, taking them with me as I went off for the day. With great personal fortitude I dropped them off in the garbage can. <br />
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Not looking back I offered a eulogy and the perfect epitaph . . . . they were comfortable<br />
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Normally, I like to post a picture relating to my message. Aren't you glad I didn't this time?<br />
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And I hope this post reassures you my sense of humor is in tact.<br />
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Blessings everyone.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-64507012827996582552011-04-08T10:27:00.000-07:002011-04-08T10:27:58.024-07:00The Next Chapter<div style="margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpdvf_ALV5WogQ_GsxsPZYtADS5ZIO4QSzFnGvhyaPQzbiLXKv7faD_hA8clkzIO67R-OMxg4ZQFS008WK_Kh4P6mH_kK8JmEFMmVbh4wjCrK6li9pLp3VhhJbQ5Q_s6jFBFS05w/s1600/DSCN0382.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpdvf_ALV5WogQ_GsxsPZYtADS5ZIO4QSzFnGvhyaPQzbiLXKv7faD_hA8clkzIO67R-OMxg4ZQFS008WK_Kh4P6mH_kK8JmEFMmVbh4wjCrK6li9pLp3VhhJbQ5Q_s6jFBFS05w/s640/DSCN0382.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"> It's been a week since I touched the book. I have finally managed to cut out another chapter--the 18th. i am now working on the last chapter of the original manuscript which was some 90 pages long. The task is to divide it into manageable and logical chapters. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I chose this picture because this chapter starts with "I have come to the lower pasture to write." I loved this view and the experience of writing here. I loved living in the barn as I know love living in California.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"> As I have reviewed part of this chapter I am struck by a couple of similarities. First, God and I are talking about wrapping things up by June. Which is when I currently hope to have the manuscript ready for the publisher. Second, I was facing some very tough financial realities in June 2009. As I am at the present. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am seeking to find a cheaper place to stay. I am having to make decisions as to what not to pay--car insurance, health insurance, cell phone, car payment? I have managed not to have my car repossessed twice now. And thank God for my tax return---hey, wait a minute it was my money in the first place. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have applied for several long term housesitting gigs, but none have come into fruition yet. I will probably get by for this month but come next month, I will be faced with some very hard decisions including giving up on following my heart. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Over this last week, my faith has been stretched thin and through some processing with one of my most beloved of spiritual peers have recovered enough to continue work on my book. It has felt good to be editing again. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Thank God for those spiritual friends who love me in spite of my faults; who amplify my virtues, minimize my failures and celebrate my successes. And as often as not see successes where I see failures. With their encouragement, I am inspired to walk a little farther down my path to see what will be revealed. God I love friends like that! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So for now, for this month, the journey continues . . . . I am determined to get the book completed by June. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Now, more than ever, I walk in faith . . . it will all work out.</div></div>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-26161698195809363682011-03-31T08:40:00.000-07:002011-03-31T08:40:00.854-07:00About Editing<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZaXxcLLN_jO2uk48g2oPZcz6W19yASND-y__vOm65VtA-P3Kv6QvioF99QG2neu9Aq6ojdQPv_3dFzOd3k-oTL6jtvtwFL1deT7e9l8WgtCXz9xggL4SiFsojP7iYu9HvyCPoQ/s1600/DSCN1011.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiZaXxcLLN_jO2uk48g2oPZcz6W19yASND-y__vOm65VtA-P3Kv6QvioF99QG2neu9Aq6ojdQPv_3dFzOd3k-oTL6jtvtwFL1deT7e9l8WgtCXz9xggL4SiFsojP7iYu9HvyCPoQ/s400/DSCN1011.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Storm clouds over IONS Center near Petaluma, CA</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I took a break from editing to attend Jean Houston's Mystery School in Petaluma last weekend. She announced after 28 years, this will the last year for Mystery School. I am privileged to be able to attend.<br />
<br />
It's been a week since I last spent time on the book. I find my hardest editing task is to decide to remove pages from the material. I have no problem removing a line or two of mundane conversation that doesn't serve the storyline. Last week I felt I needed to remove five pages from the Chapter titled <i>Stunned.</i> It was not an easy decision.<br />
<br />
I thought the pages were well written and I would even say the message they conveyed was powerful. Yet they did not really continue the storyline and needed to be cut. It was not easy to do so. <br />
<br />
You must understand I received most of this book as a dialogue from God, and he participates in this editing process. As I prepared to delete the pages, God clearly let me know that he liked the pages, but did allow I better understood the storyline--he would trust me to edit the chapter.<br />
<br />
Yep, I felt guilty doing so. In fact I could not just delete the material releasing it out to cyberspace. I carefully edited the material, cut it to a new file and saved it. Just in case I change my mind. Or I might more accurately say in case God changes my mind.<br />
<br />
Two chapters have been added since I listed the Table of Contents. Chapter 16 <i>We Finally Meet</i> and Chapter 17 which remains untitled for the moment. These chapters bring the page count to 213. <br />
<br />
I will soon start on the final received chapter of 90 pages.<br />
<br />
The Journey continues . . .Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-20198697838585366682011-03-23T11:09:00.000-07:002011-03-23T11:09:14.259-07:00Book Progress<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjRFH5BGcoheUTkE91_eEgY0iWrAcFSDZyaCEtvrltvt5SqsrCgCfvS8Pok7yOcrHe8fY0j4ouMPCf1ew1bpuYMMBiSwG2EskE4TDyoNe5P8iDtZzyjUBP813jItFtmq8YmZJiA/s1600/Neptune-Purple-Web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjRFH5BGcoheUTkE91_eEgY0iWrAcFSDZyaCEtvrltvt5SqsrCgCfvS8Pok7yOcrHe8fY0j4ouMPCf1ew1bpuYMMBiSwG2EskE4TDyoNe5P8iDtZzyjUBP813jItFtmq8YmZJiA/s200/Neptune-Purple-Web.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I continue to spend a lot of time editing my original manuscript. This second rewrite takes much more effort than the original. Partially because the chapter I am working on was originally 90 pages.<br />
<br />
In this chapter God and I discussed sexuality and spirituality. As you can imagine this was a diverse discussion and has required careful editing. I have removed pages because they distracted from the material at hand. (And because I am trying to shorten the length of the book.<br />
<br />
In might interest you to know I don't really remember what I had received/written and I come to this material afresh. What may be even more surprising is I really don't know how this book ends. I have so enjoyed coming this editing process I have decided not to read ahead.<br />
<br />
So I continue to make progress, and the chapter list continues to grow. I share the Table of Contents, but remember the these are the working chapter titles. The book currently is over 200 pages and I have another 90 page chapter to add.<br />
<br />
Blessings and thank you for your continued interest as the journey continues.<br />
<br />
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<h1>Table of Contents</h1><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Author’s Note</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Introduction</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 1 </span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>How I Came to Talk to God</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 2<span><i> </i></span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;">The Blessing of Cancer</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 3<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Accepting Perfection</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 4<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Forget and Forgive</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 5<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>I am Struggling</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 6<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Why Me?</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 7<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>A Timeless Love</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 8<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Unrighteousness & The Spiritual Leader</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 9<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Acts of God</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 10<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Truth & Consequences</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 11<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Beyond Discomfort</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 12<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>There’s No Such Thing as Right or Wrong</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 13<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Beginning The Affair</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 14 <span></span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Why I Stayed</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Chapter 15<span> </span></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span></span>Stunned</span></i></div><br />
<br />
I realize some of you have may not seen my robes and this picture is of the tapestry my caplet and accessories are made from.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-32660870900087933892011-03-07T13:13:00.000-08:002011-03-07T13:13:55.697-08:00Carving Out Chapters<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhPe5ScT-UfvEO1Ir0mrPb7-eV0jmb1mzXXLDee3z-k8wlp3n2FXMyPsYcWUJjnnKXF6K-hJImh0oNfnvNJDyqPTVcI0VCwXOZDYFmeZCmYTnkjMbG2swpcyLv1zA2P8zXi9EOcQ/s1600/DSCN1004.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhPe5ScT-UfvEO1Ir0mrPb7-eV0jmb1mzXXLDee3z-k8wlp3n2FXMyPsYcWUJjnnKXF6K-hJImh0oNfnvNJDyqPTVcI0VCwXOZDYFmeZCmYTnkjMbG2swpcyLv1zA2P8zXi9EOcQ/s400/DSCN1004.JPG" style="clear: both; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px;" width="400" /></a> When I first received/wrote my book, it contained only 7 chapters. The last two chapters were both over 90 pages. The most difficult part of editing has been carving these into smaller, more manageable chapters. Ten to fifteen pages seems to be about the ideal size.<br />
<br />
I have reviewed the first six chapters I had previously edited and am satisfied with them. <br />
<br />
Last week I was able to dramatically, yet judiciously, edit Chapter 7 <i>A Timeless</i> <i>Love</i>. I had previously worked on this chapter, but I like this version better.<br />
<br />
This last weekend, I was able to work with material I had not previously edited, and have carved out two more chapters.<br />
<br />
God has been very active in this editing process including titling these two chapters. Chapter 8: <i>Unrighteousness and the Spiritual Leader </i>and Chapter 9: <i>Wife, Girlfriend, and Guilt.</i> These are still working titles, but certainly catch one's attention.<br />
<br />
I had several wonderful phone calls this weekend. I heard from some of my old co-workers. One of who asked if I was going to retire my car. Pun intended. Re-tire my car. So to answer, I did not put new tires on, but did get the tire repaired. <br />
<br />
Hopefully I will get a tax return to fund new tires. Meanwhile donations are graciously accepted. Put your name, address and phone number on the back of a hundred dollar bill and send it to me, and you can be the proud sponsor of one the tires. Such fun we're having.<br />
<br />
The journey continues. . . Blessings to all.<br />
<br />
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<div style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img align="middle" alt="Posted by Picasa" border="0" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 50% transparent; border: 0px none; padding: 0px;" /></a></div>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-38342273881571492102011-03-01T18:13:00.002-08:002011-03-01T18:19:23.252-08:00The Father Within<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMNXCY7UxYdzOtvlKEBsjBWDEp7qde3-PrrBiH2X30XmMYA3mjwS2sdknEEhjmhIJJx7snzUH1A3L0BquOzbpo4ac2Lu2b87I9wDs1gpszqvt3Hact_gUhdjhQ2XYmz_7cag9-jg/s1600/180275_494659290918_121074240918_6613278_35326_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMNXCY7UxYdzOtvlKEBsjBWDEp7qde3-PrrBiH2X30XmMYA3mjwS2sdknEEhjmhIJJx7snzUH1A3L0BquOzbpo4ac2Lu2b87I9wDs1gpszqvt3Hact_gUhdjhQ2XYmz_7cag9-jg/s200/180275_494659290918_121074240918_6613278_35326_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>In my previous post I mentioned I just concluded a 46 page writing. The last two days of that writing had been particularly poignant. That portion of the writing is 22 pages long. If anyone would like to read the entire narrative, leave a comment and I'll see what I can do.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile I offer this excerpt from February 26, 2011:<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">So now back to my deep reflection.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am an incredibly loving father. I am the perfect loving father—<i>for me.</i><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In those moments as an emotionally wounded eight year old, I needed a particular kind of love. I needed a father who understood me and loved me. I needed to be surrounded in love and to be told everything would be okay. I needed to be told how I experienced the world was real and I wasn’t out of my mind.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Through the miracle of meditation I was able to go back in time and be the loving father I needed.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>(Long pause as I contemplate the above.)</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">What a blessing, what a miracle!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This may be a little confusing but I hope our readers can follow my line of thought.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My unborn children woke up a dominant seed of fatherhood in me. It grew into a desire to experience fatherhood. This led to discussions with you about fatherhood and my abilities to be a loving father. You reassured me my loving heart would be enough. I then indeed experienced fatherhood and though the miracle known as Little One knew the love of a young child very near the age I was when I was so emotionally wounded.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">All of this happened to prepare me to be the perfect father <i>to me.</i> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Through the miracle of meditation, I went back not once, but twice, to talk to myself, to console my wounded spirit, to restore my faith, and most of to unconditionally love myself.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This meditation, the resetting or rewriting of my past has real time consequences.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How so?</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am a very loving man. I would go so far as to say my ability to be a loving father is directly due to having reset my past.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You are saying your ability to go back in time to the crucial moment to be the loving father you needed is directly due to having gone back in time to be the loving father you needed therefore resetting your past?</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This indeed is a deep reflection.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I further believe being the loving man I am today is a direct result of having reset my past even though I was not conscious of having done so.</div>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-5418947754859628772011-02-27T10:08:00.001-08:002011-02-27T10:09:02.189-08:00Still Driven<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_pYTiiyv-Mxdnxesh0B9nUtEt0H2Urn-rCDXx2E2YuNs-uskNNewbet1ZoZySG7GmcKOD8E_eKuEmfgvAUOna4xpxQRnxj0Kn6odgSFg4zGWt2BYQoybFc_AfGufF9WygR9M3fQ/s1600/DSCN1003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_pYTiiyv-Mxdnxesh0B9nUtEt0H2Urn-rCDXx2E2YuNs-uskNNewbet1ZoZySG7GmcKOD8E_eKuEmfgvAUOna4xpxQRnxj0Kn6odgSFg4zGWt2BYQoybFc_AfGufF9WygR9M3fQ/s200/DSCN1003.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>I continue to be driven to work--writing, transcribing and editing. I had caught up with all of my transcribing and started the red ink editing process on my previously edited material.<br />
<br />
I have gone over six chapters. I cut a bit out of them and added other bits. I am happy with them, at least for the moment. <br />
<br />
I was fully prepared this week to spend time on Chapter 7 which will have to be divided into many smaller chapters.<br />
<br />
I felt Spirit was directing me to write, so Tuesday morning I sat down with a cup of tea to do so.<br />
<br />
Oh my!<br />
<br />
The conversation continued for five days and ended up being 46 pages (over 90 pages in total) in my notebook. It's been quite some time since I had a writing of this length.<br />
<br />
The conversation/writing over the last two day was particularly meaningful. Through reflection I came to a great and profound understanding about what seemed to be unrelated events over the last year or so. I may post part of it when I get it transcribed. I had caught up with my transcribing but I am sure this will take me a couple of days to get into the computer. <br />
<br />
Money issues continue to plague me. (When haven't they?) I had a flat tire a week ago. Luckily just outside my complex although I did have to change it in a cold rain. I am still driving on the spare as I have to wait until the first when my pension kicks in again to have it repaired. (Can't help but fondly remember an old co-worker of mine that often ran on this spare tire.) I have come to love Campbell's soup. :) Hopefully I will get a tax refund and replace a couple of tires.<br />
<br />
Money issues seem so trivial to me, as I am absolutely exhilarated about the work I am doing.<br />
<br />
The Journey continues . . . Blessings to you all!Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-58133315475251598982011-02-16T08:36:00.000-08:002011-02-16T08:36:00.178-08:00Driven<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjkvp7zTjaoB_ESEuf1kK8yxrnYAdbNCJ-j6GgIOdlr5r-z8JCxKfdtVqjA6UX5UNV3QtQWZ012n9ixWQLhurueQR8KLP4Gm2SCNJ8nG110svHZc_FSeMoykMjH6WCMxi1927rIA/s1600/DSCN0878-1.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjkvp7zTjaoB_ESEuf1kK8yxrnYAdbNCJ-j6GgIOdlr5r-z8JCxKfdtVqjA6UX5UNV3QtQWZ012n9ixWQLhurueQR8KLP4Gm2SCNJ8nG110svHZc_FSeMoykMjH6WCMxi1927rIA/s400/DSCN0878-1.JPG" style="clear: both; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px;" /></a> Today is a significant day in the process of editing my book. With a red pen in hand, I start the physical editing.<br />
<br />
As of late, I have been driven--absolutely driven to work on the book. I haven't felt like this since I wrote the book while in Oregon. I'm not sure if I felt this driven even then.<br />
<br />
Interestingly enough my current work has not involved the actual book, but in gaining the proper perspective to edit the next section of the book. I have been surprised at how driven I have been as Spirit directs this process. Let give you an example of just how driven.<br />
<br />
Hopefully, some of you have been readings my Facebook posts along with these blog posts. If so, you will know I was granted a scholarship to attend Jean Houston's Mystery School workshop last weekend. It was a huge blessing, and I had several profound experiences while there.<br />
<br />
I like to arrive rested for the weekend and as it is a six hour drive I drove up a day early. I was able to have dinner and spend overnight with a dear and beloved friend. <br />
<br />
This dear friend introduced me to Brother Tree, who many of you know is very special to me. I have communicated and communed with this tree. As I had not seen Brother Tree since last October prior to returning to Illinois to be in a committed relationship, I had planned to do so on Friday morning before making my way to Mystery School.<br />
<br />
As I drove up Interstate 5, I mused over my upcoming visit with Brother Tree. I wondered if my friend would be able to join me, if I would go alone, how I might spend my time with Brother Tree, what I would like to talk to him about, etc. Spirit then spoke to me. "It would be better if you spent time working." <br />
<br />
I was shocked. I always enjoy my time with Brother Tree and am always renewed, refreshed from the experience. Spirit was not telling me I couldn't go, but that my time would be better spent working.<br />
<br />
As I continued my musing, I was shown how much time I had taken off for the Mystery School, how much I was not getting done by attending. I was also shown it would be better if I went home directly after Mystery School finished on Sunday afternoon instead of lingering as I usually do. I was shown I should not linger and return on Monday as I had planned. I was told, "You have work to do on Monday."<br />
<br />
As Spirit is directing this editing process, I acquiesced. I did not go to see Brother Tree. Instead I went to the IONS center and set in the sun and continued a writing I had been working on.<br />
<br />
On Sunday, I returned to my home in Chatsworth. I woke up early, made my way to the local Panera's and sat and transcribed my last two writings. I had over five notebooks of writings to transcribe. Pre-relationship and post-relationship writings along with current writings. That work completed yesterday. <br />
<br />
I believe I have gained the proper perspective to edit the next chapters of the book which are on sexuality and spirituality. But first, I must review all that has been previously edited.<br />
<br />
With red pen in hand . . . the work continues . . . I am driven to an unknown deadline . . . as the journey continues. <br />
<br />
<br />
And yes, Spirit knew I was taking time to write this post.<br />
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<a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img align="middle" alt="Posted by Picasa" border="0" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 50% transparent; border: 0px none; padding: 0px;" /></a></div>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-13547912321824102482011-02-04T13:20:00.000-08:002011-02-04T13:20:45.626-08:00Purple<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAsyryXqH-EZlVEW3s6h77EjdfhqPyQ6fU9x4ZjoP9LLdFmGBH08GPId7f34n5GJlcu2rPMjZ3fU3naOTpjE7GykzW01uGIxWePlOQHD20BdQA8KjQn6i7q_70P4mn9R_9Ku4iVw/s1600/DSCN1000.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAsyryXqH-EZlVEW3s6h77EjdfhqPyQ6fU9x4ZjoP9LLdFmGBH08GPId7f34n5GJlcu2rPMjZ3fU3naOTpjE7GykzW01uGIxWePlOQHD20BdQA8KjQn6i7q_70P4mn9R_9Ku4iVw/s400/DSCN1000.JPG" style="clear: both; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px;" /></a> Although there has been much going on in my life, I have not blogged since September when I triumphantly announced Life is Wonderful. <br />
<br />
And it remains wonderful.<br />
<br />
Even if things have not worked out as I thought they might.<br />
<br />
I returned to be in relationship with my beloved. A month later she asked me to leave.<br />
<br />
I have not known heartache quite like this. I knew I had to go off and heal my heart and my spirit. I came back to my friends in California. I have even come back to the same household. Just not the same room.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmBpA3unypPOX74N5c3K-ymMZwV1EH67DYYbF169KOPasyrsX8BR6xSoPtiEBVtTTCEb7F1OfGVTgxgIstPShcmhgTR6To02OOzBs8rV-PV3N1JV-btC_bmvAugtYzdwu2mucY6Q/s1600/DSCN1002.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmBpA3unypPOX74N5c3K-ymMZwV1EH67DYYbF169KOPasyrsX8BR6xSoPtiEBVtTTCEb7F1OfGVTgxgIstPShcmhgTR6To02OOzBs8rV-PV3N1JV-btC_bmvAugtYzdwu2mucY6Q/s400/DSCN1002.JPG" style="clear: both; float: left; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px;" /></a> <br />
<br />
I returned to the room I first lived in. It had since been painted purple. I live in a purple room as you see pictured here.<br />
<br />
For all of you who think that purple is not an appropriate color for a man to live in, I invite you, I sincerely invite you to step out of your judgment. (It's that much better than telling you to f. . . well you get the idea.)<br />
<br />
Over the last year I have come to feel quite empowered by the color purple. I found it the perfect environment to heal in. I have struggled to heal my heart. I have to be very diligent in my processing to keep my heart open and not to fall into the trap of embitterment.<br />
<br />
I recently added new bed linen. The bedspread is a deep plum purple. (Very masculine. lol) The sheets match the wall color. The bedspread blocks out all the light in the room as well.<br />
<br />
The truth is that while I have been posting on Facebook, I have not been up to sharing the story of my life on these pages. I will try to correct this as I have gained great insight into the nature of relationship.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, I have been working, working, working on my book. I had over 200 pages of dialogue about this relationship both pre- and post-return. I have added 150 more pages since arriving here. <br />
Spirit has been guiding me as I transcribe all of this material. I move from pre-return writing, to post-writing, to current, back to pre-, back to post, back to current. All in an effort to bring a new perspective to my book. I will now edit it through the filter of relationship.<br />
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One of the things I have learned from this dialogue with God is "Relationship is the ultimate expression of intimacy with self."<br />
<br />
The budget continues to be tight. Campbell's Soup is my friend. Now, where is that tax return form . .<br />
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Blessings upon you all.<br />
<div style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img align="middle" alt="Posted by Picasa" border="0" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 50% transparent; border: 0px none; padding: 0px;" /></a></div>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-48954784756732489122010-09-21T13:16:00.001-07:002010-09-21T13:17:43.333-07:00Life is Wonderful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUvnz-NnIy4ue8TRZ5RAImQEfbFQz9ZPoSrY5xtb3CCu0CXQ4NpnB522bIioxyPYCFxOnZCVT7KuuJi6fQeWDTOAHy5G3c9e7G2JWPsRtkiisaJctevzTGrKmsGrzBxtJ1lgaf4w/s1600/DSCN0935.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUvnz-NnIy4ue8TRZ5RAImQEfbFQz9ZPoSrY5xtb3CCu0CXQ4NpnB522bIioxyPYCFxOnZCVT7KuuJi6fQeWDTOAHy5G3c9e7G2JWPsRtkiisaJctevzTGrKmsGrzBxtJ1lgaf4w/s400/DSCN0935.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>This is the view from my chair this morning. It's a wonderful misty and foggy fall day. Days like this are rare here in California. It seems to be the perfect day to spend contemplating and writing which is exactly what I have been doing. <br />
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I have much to contemplate and much to be thankful for. My life is truly wonderful. Oh, my finances are always strained, but I have all that I need and then some.<br />
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I have now attended three of Jean Houston's Mystery School weekends. Each has been transformational. The weekend was about Abundance. Far too often in our western world we immediately think about money, but true abundance is much, much more than that.<br />
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The weekend included the Mystery School's Night of Gifting. Jean held private individual sessions with each participant. While that was going on, other participants gave of themselves as well. Ten minute massages, storytelling, coaching, taro card reading, collage creations were just a few of the gifts offered along with music and dancing. And I offered prophetic readings.<br />
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It took great courage to stand up in front of these 80 enlightened (and loving) people. "My name is Richard, and I am a Prophet." While very accepting and very respectful, they know the the real thing--and know when it's not. <br />
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I offered to answer one question per reading--approximately 10-15 minutes. As this was a fun night, a night celebrating possibilities I wore my robes. And grand fun it was. I read from 7:30 - 2:00 AM. I have done several of these reading parties, but this one left me more empowered than ever before. I OWNED being a Prophet. It IS part of my being.<br />
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For now, my session with Jean will remain private but it was part of the power of the night. I once again was transformed by the Mystery School weekend. I understand that Jean Houston is going to offer a virtual version in October. If it's a powerful as my personal experience I can highly recommend it.<br />
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Meanwhile, my schedule between now and the time I go back to Illinois is filling up. Every Monday night I continue to attend the Art of Self Creation course that is based on my friend and housemate Scott's book:<i> The User's Guide to Being Human.</i> I you hope you took the time to go and vote for his book. (See previous posting) <br />
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There's another Camp Harmony retreat this weekend here at the house. Two weeks after is another Mystery School weekend. I will be staying in the bay area for a week to visit one last time with family and friends. The weekend following is another Camp Harmony retreat weekend. I'm teaching an Angelspeake class on October 28.<br />
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The first weekend in November I am attending a very special weekend led by Jean''s business partner Connie Buffalo who is Anishinaabe (Chippewa), As humans, if we are fortunate, we travel The Four Hills of Life: childhood, adolescence, adulthood and the path of the elder. This weekend we will be living through all of these paths through the eyes of Anishinaabe belief. I am greatly looking forward to this experience.<br />
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I am extremely grateful to those who have sponsored me in these workshops. My personal growth and development over the last year has been great. I have worked through many deep-seated issues and have come to not just like myself, to not just believe in myself but to love myself. I sincerely belief it's my calling to help others do the same by the sharing of my life and my journey. <br />
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On November 8th, I head back to Illinois. Back to relationship. Back to engagement and possible marriage. Back to step-fatherhood. Back to completion of my book and fulfillment of my calling.<br />
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My life IS wonderful. So is yours! Take a moment and appreciate the wonderment that surrounds you. <br />
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Blessings to each of you. <i>The Journey continues.</i> And at the moment it feels like it's at warp speed. lol.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-47357151667196960592010-09-15T12:32:00.001-07:002010-09-15T12:47:45.832-07:00Best Brilliant Idea for Humanity<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikHefoo1lwz39VP6pHweM2YcwtXt5M99zDvHIe9ZV-LskC-5B0Rxg3mWX4WIjYNIn3DR5el0ftziRKpl8PuFbwfb0mBBDveOAYM5sbAWjcW8ZzTRkhXMyl4-K-KuJEH7UMZ3CgVg/s1600/Scott.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikHefoo1lwz39VP6pHweM2YcwtXt5M99zDvHIe9ZV-LskC-5B0Rxg3mWX4WIjYNIn3DR5el0ftziRKpl8PuFbwfb0mBBDveOAYM5sbAWjcW8ZzTRkhXMyl4-K-KuJEH7UMZ3CgVg/s320/Scott.png" /></a></div>As I have shared before I live in community with a household of powerful people including several writers. My best friend Scott Miller has been working on his book, <i>The User's Guide to Being Human</i> for a couple of years already. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Recently he began teaching a year-long class based on exercises from the book to an amazing group of people, including myself. The response has been phenomenal! <br />
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The exercises are simple yet profound and the experience is changing people's lives. We have begun the process of creating a public benefit corporation with the mission of getting this information out to the public: schools, businesses, prisons, etc - in the effort to reach and empower people in all walks of life by teaching them about the amazing inner capacities that every one of us has - freely available within us. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Please help us! Scott has entered the <i>Best Brilliant Idea for Humanity</i> contest which will provide important coaching and funding opportunities that will help us get this off the ground. WE NEED YOUR VOTE! </div><div><br />
</div><div>It's simple, click here <a href="http://www.bestideaforhumanity.com/profile.cfm?eid=50">Vote for Scott</a> and go to the website - register - it takes less than a minute - then watch our video pitch - another 2 minutes and VOTE for us! If you still have a few minutes to spare, click over to our website/blog and leave a comment.<br />
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Send the link to your network of friends. Get them to check it out and vote as well. The $50,000 grant could go a long way to getting this information out in the world.<br />
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Blessings,<br />
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Richard. <br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgET9_RkDVFkzBgNvpU7QJGLVVr0lcQpG_yqo-aR_lJ7JG-iFubS1GPJr2gctV_qG8nJd1AvAraePsHxcotZR2UgWwTlewkw8ely1v7cNNVCcE61wRYxqlVq_ASfcTusP-LpMl9uw/s1600/Scott.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-18537093966235060462010-08-27T18:09:00.000-07:002010-08-27T18:09:25.773-07:00Not Since Oregon<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqIdRL5xqsX9jFLtOtQIid5Du6qE1BmrrAF-V_OflYJfUYnFo8lcTVczxy2j9PHUn-bPTJMHLHyeI1a_NPfD8RZt3mCk_Wzk77tdGq5smajg3sH1aPs-pxxkwIgpg2X7bnGuFbaQ/s1600/DSCN0927.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqIdRL5xqsX9jFLtOtQIid5Du6qE1BmrrAF-V_OflYJfUYnFo8lcTVczxy2j9PHUn-bPTJMHLHyeI1a_NPfD8RZt3mCk_Wzk77tdGq5smajg3sH1aPs-pxxkwIgpg2X7bnGuFbaQ/s320/DSCN0927.JPG" /></a>Wednesday morning I got up at 5:30 and wrote. I haven't done that since I lived in Oregon. There is something magical about the hour before dawn.<br />
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Several years ago, while I was still working second shift, I often got up early every day and made my way to the riverfront. I would write for several hours before my literacy student showed up for our tutoring session.<br />
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Those communications with God are some of my favorite. They were filled with a wide variety of emotions--grief, anger, frustration as well as joy, love and gratitude.<br />
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Even then I knew I would leave to go to Oregon to write a book. It may seem to many who have kept up with this blog that I have abandoned the book and my path. That would be far from the truth.<br />
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Yesterday's writing affirmed all that I am currently doing--including coming back to Illinois to once again be in relationship. I am extremely excited about the prospects of being a step-father. Yes, yes, I know that, too, seems like a miracle. And maybe it is.<br />
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As I wrote, I realized that once I was living with what I have come to think of as "my" family, and was getting up early to help get the girls off to school, I could easily re-establish my writing habit. Let me share an excerpt from yesterday's writing.<br />
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"Few men in your situation would see the advantage of getting up early to spend time with me. They would not see or understand the benefit for their families. Few men. And I will and do sing your praises accordingly. I sing to the heavens on your behalf.<br />
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</div>Perhaps instead of arguing with you that you are praising me before the act, I could simply express my gratitude for this family. I thank you for bringing this family to me. I thank you for trusting me with this family.<br />
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I never thought I would have such a family. It is such a precious, precious gift that I do not think I would have appreciated at a previous time in my life. I think I would have only seen the burden--a consequence to my actions.<br />
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<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">This family is a consequence of your actions; it is a consequence of your heart. These children do not come from your loins, yet you love them so dearly. You love them so dearly that tears came to your eyes out of gratitude. Do you realize how great of a man of heart, of faith that you are? Yet you think, it is untold for me to sing your praises?</div><br />
My dear God, I come to family late in my life; at a time when I can appreciate the gift that such a family is.<br />
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I observe that many men only truly appreciate their families as it matures. I think they get so caught up in the routine of providing for and raising their families that they take it for granted. I think the moments that they cherish their families is fleeting. I do not wish--in any way--to diminish their devotion to their families for I do know they love their families.<br />
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But, my dear Lord, I have not done anything to bring this family into fruition. I do not know what it means to be responsible for a family--neither in its creation or in its continued sustenance. I have not been burdened by said responsibilities--and in fact will not be so burdened with this family. I am not currently burdened with going to a job to provide for said family.<br />
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So it is easy for me to cherish this family, to cherish "my" family. I am grateful for this opportunity, but it does not mean I am worthy of your praise. Instead, my dear Lord, hold your praise for those men, for those women who have been responsible for their actions. Praise those who get up and start another day even though they are tired. Praise those who do not have the time to start their days with devotions to you because they are devoted to their families. Praise those who are so devoted to their families that they lose themselves—they forget who they are except in the context of family.<br />
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<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">My dear son, I realize you are on a tirade for all the unsung, under-praised heroes of all the unsung families—but I will not allow you to dismiss the significance of what you are doing. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">It cannot be ignored that many have observed you to be an extremely selfish man who has done what he wanted when he wanted. Many thought your actions of retiring to go off to write a book—even if it was with me—to be a very selfish act. Some even thought it as the act of being irresponsible. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Few, I repeat, few saw it as the act of faith it was. And few will see you going back to Illinois to be the head of this family as the act of it is as well. But I see it, I know it to be such an act and I do sing your praises because of it!"</div><br />
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You can read the entire writing by clicking here: <a href="http://ajothwritings.blogspot.com/2010/08/gratitude-responsibility-and-faith.html">Gratitude, Responsibility, and Faith</a><br />
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You may notice I have shaved in this picture. It's been many, many years since I was clean shaven. Not since I was a professional clown. I was amazed to learn that while I had dated the woman who I am going into relationship with for over two years, she never told me that my beard tickled her. Sometimes love means being clean shaven.<br />
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Blessings to your all.<br />
<span style="background-color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-9435437443419627282010-08-10T15:38:00.005-07:002010-08-12T10:03:59.477-07:00With Great Courage<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_mcrt0oGmJXAXUXs0TbrdshuYBS_tmnHfd4zMEochLUVdC8Sjaq32x_rp3ngsVu_VN31IZRWYNo8W4AY0qlcmQPjwS3gekBAzuHQz_1inUnZGLLlsw1XaB3U8xDo5N7z1fqxhjw/s1600/MVI_1133.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_mcrt0oGmJXAXUXs0TbrdshuYBS_tmnHfd4zMEochLUVdC8Sjaq32x_rp3ngsVu_VN31IZRWYNo8W4AY0qlcmQPjwS3gekBAzuHQz_1inUnZGLLlsw1XaB3U8xDo5N7z1fqxhjw/s320/MVI_1133.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5503914894173223442" border="0" /></a><br />It is time that I fessed up to all that I am, even as I know that I may well be ridiculed for doing so. It takes great personal courage for me to say this.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">I am a prophet.</span><br /><br />Some of you may have known of this before or read my posting about this. The simple truth is that I have had prophetic abilities for quite some time. I have not openly admitted to this in fear of ridicule.<br /><br />Yet it remains that I have helped many, many people with my prophetic readings. I have aided many in their soul's next evolution. It has now come time for me to offer my services to the general public instead of just my spiritual peers.<br /><br />From this point forward this blog will include a link to my website where I speak about my prophetic readings and where I do offer my services. <a href="http://richardtheprophet.rwdickson.com/">http://richardtheprophet.rwdickson.com/</a><br /><br />To my detractors: Let me reassure you that I have not gone off on some deep end while here in California. While I was extremely discrete about it, I had this ability while I lived in Illinois, working as a lab tech in a chemical plant. I just never spoke about it openly, but only amongst my spiritual peers.<br /><br />I understand that you may not fully appreciate the truth of what I am sharing with you. I have not always understood it either, but I DO KNOW it is a God-given ability and that I can no longer hide my talent under a basket. It is part of my spirituality and my deep devotion to God. I ask that you respect it as such.<br /><br />If you feel there is a need for answers in your life, I would be glad to be of service.<br /><br />And regardless of if you believe in my prophetic abilities or ever choose to take advantage of them, I offer you my blessing:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">May God bless you along your path to deeper understanding of self, of love, of life and of God.</span>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-88102796022360568892010-07-06T13:16:00.004-07:002010-07-07T20:08:39.974-07:00The Land of Never<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbRuM3-XkN7px6UECNUCpdPaIq1qbm2R7NK4XY8izccrD4bf3okVf7IXjeqXX2lPqHEC9ikWOEH5Bb8_JxkvOHl0yvOIyFs85Z4QCvJTHlT8zjv6oT3gDImQPgqjTklD88KLNS2w/s1600/2010-05-21.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbRuM3-XkN7px6UECNUCpdPaIq1qbm2R7NK4XY8izccrD4bf3okVf7IXjeqXX2lPqHEC9ikWOEH5Bb8_JxkvOHl0yvOIyFs85Z4QCvJTHlT8zjv6oT3gDImQPgqjTklD88KLNS2w/s400/2010-05-21.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490918821657379394" border="0" /></a>I seem to be living in the Land of Never. This is not the same land that Peter Pan was so fond of, but the land of all that I said I would never do seems to be coming into being. When I retired and moved to Oregon to write, I was filled with a lot of never.<br /><br />I thought I would never return to live in Illinois. Iowa, maybe, but never Illinois. I thought I would never consider going back to work. I thought I would never return to the girlfriend I left behind. I thought I would never be in another committed relationship. I thought I would never consider marriage again. I thought I would never walk away from my book. I thought I would never have my own family. I thought I would never be a father.<br /><br />In my previous post I spoke of letting go of my preconceived ideas of who I am. And so I have. Including those I had about my book. It seems appropriate to first share my thoughts about this aspect of myself, as it was what took me away from all that I hold as near and dear.<br /><br />The book has been written. And in many ways I am complete with that process. I have it partially edited, and have no compulsion to complete it. None. That which drove my life for the last couple of years is simply gone. That which once defined me is simply--changed.<br /><br />I would almost tell you that I have no need to write another word. That is not quite true, for I do still have a need to write but not on the book. I continue to communicate with God in writing, and feel I will always have a need to do so. That does not mean have a need to share it.<br /><br />I have no need to publish my book.<br />I have no need to share my understandings about life and God.<br />I have no need to guide others in their spiritual paths.<br />I have no need to heal others through love and energy.<br /><br />That does not mean I will not do those things, only that I no longer NEED them to define who I am. I no longer NEED them to be fulfilled and satisfied within my life.<br /><br />I am happy with who I presently am. I like who I am. I even love who I am. More than this I am simply allowing my heart to continue to guide my life. Somehow my heart has been healed in ways that remain inexplicable. I strongly feel I am stepping into my next level of evolution.<br /><br />Oh, and I am VERY AWARE of how I have evolved over the last couple of years. I am literally not the same man. I am not the same man I was on January 1st. I am not even the man I four months ago. I am not even the same man I was at the first of June when I went to be with my younger sister prior to her surgery.<br /><br />My life has simply and profoundly changed. All due to my heart.<br /><br />Many reading this must imagine that I am going to announce that I have fallen in love. And they would be correct. There is a woman and love involved but if I were honest about what really has changed; I would say that I have fallen in love with myself. Oh, I know that is far too new age for some reading this. Or maybe far too Californian. Yet it remains that this is the biggest factor in all that is unfolding before me.<br /><br />Long before I had retired I embarked on <span style="font-style: italic;">A Journey of the Heart.</span> I little realized it was really a journey of self-discovery. This journey, this journey of the heart, was not just of self-discovery, but of self-healing. Over the course of this last year, I have have healed deep wounds within myself. Some of those processes I have shared here.<br /><br />I came to once again feel loved. By myself. I cannot emphasize that enough. The change has been within me. I started to let the love in that has been surrounding me most of my life. IT had always been there, I just didn't let it in.<br /><br />I know that I have many people who know me will be surprised by this. They know me as having a very loving heart. Some have felt the intensity of my love. And I have been aware they have intensely loved me in return. Not that I ever let it truly in. I didn't trust love, I didn't trust myself to let it in. I had been hurt so many times. Over the last year, that has been healed.<br /><br />I return to the relationship I left when I set out on this journey of self-discovery. For two years I have tried to forget her and to break that heart connection. But all I needed to do was to hear her voice and all of my feelings would come slamming back into my heart.<br /><br />I would see her each time I returned to the area for a visit. She had moved on. She had a boyfriend. Just being in her presence, over lunch, my emotions would run high but I was respectful of her new relationship.<br /><br />The more we saw each other, the more we realized we both still had strong feelings for the other. After she broke up with her boyfriend, we decided to pursue a relationship. This is more than what we shared when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We are proceeding the with idea of a live-in relationship. That sounds so simply, but in the way of all of life is not.<br /><br />She has three daughters, 18, 15, and 7. I had been reluctant to meet them before now. I had known I was leaving and felt it would complicate their lives for me to enter and then leave their lives. I am now willing. I realize that they have a father, yet I am aware I cannot help but have some level of influence in their lives. Yes, this means, at the age of 55, I am pursuing some level of fatherhood.<br /><br />We are consciously pursuing this. We hold many deep and serious conversations. Neither of us are naive about what all of this might mean. We are not acting from a place of innocence believing that all will just naturally work out, but that we must work together--first as a couple and then as a family for this to be successful. There are no guarantees that we will indeed end up in relationship, only that we are seriously pursuing it.<br /><br />I am still in California as we pursue this even as my heart yearns to be back with her. Yet, I know that it is best for me to remain here. I am not complete with my personal development. There are three more Jean Houston weekends go attend. The next is in September and the one following it is in October. Financially it makes more sense for me to remain on this coast until I complete at least those two. The third is in December.<br /><br />It might be of interest to you to know that September's workshop is on Prosperity. I find that fascinating as I used the funds I had reserved for these classes on my trip to be with my sister prior to her surgery. Further, October's class is on Relationships. I cannot ignore the synchronicity of this as I am pursuing a relationship that includes fatherhood.<br /><br />I had hoped that I would be able to see her when I returned in August for my family reunion. I won't be attending, as my funds are exhausted. I am job hunting, in hopes of building funds for the Jean Houston weekends. I love my family, but have had to set those weekends as the higher priority. I never thought I would make my personal development a priority over my family, but these workshops play a big part in who I have become--and that is a man who loves himself.<br /><br />So, as you can see what I say I am in the land of Never. I never thought I would be here and not at this time in my life--yet it is here. I am here and I simply allowing it to unfold. I DON'T have all the answers. I am simply LIVING it.<br /><br />I am trusting love. I am trusting my heart and I continue this wonderful, blissful and exciting <span style="font-style: italic;">Journey of the Heart.</span>Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-29531047317423699182010-06-28T12:20:00.018-07:002010-06-30T16:22:03.588-07:00The Mountain Top<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXeYwE-z1q-5b7yRYg9F3xukfOd2R5GmqTG1RGRmP-iZ0LNhOEhGwkG0QULLB_8-FF1tqDFW7PrdoyziynlYFvtQAHDQwLssaRJWBUw-IwdYpbKeGqCczJnfruTc66X1Ue0WtU5g/s1600/DSCN0915.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left; clear: both;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXeYwE-z1q-5b7yRYg9F3xukfOd2R5GmqTG1RGRmP-iZ0LNhOEhGwkG0QULLB_8-FF1tqDFW7PrdoyziynlYFvtQAHDQwLssaRJWBUw-IwdYpbKeGqCczJnfruTc66X1Ue0WtU5g/s400/DSCN0915.JPG" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQC8tdOVYrZeKRNrVC-AG_ruvQSyLTyqfy0Xgxx4GQsG4ZrwJLH9JwbMGZj8qdgKXzFkJ2FYvcd95e91XwPxvu6KIvW6556ZP1OVTCbXdJ3To2p4hA2nxufSBJzsDUA8QuwioIEA/s1600/DSCN0916.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left; clear: both;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQC8tdOVYrZeKRNrVC-AG_ruvQSyLTyqfy0Xgxx4GQsG4ZrwJLH9JwbMGZj8qdgKXzFkJ2FYvcd95e91XwPxvu6KIvW6556ZP1OVTCbXdJ3To2p4hA2nxufSBJzsDUA8QuwioIEA/s400/DSCN0916.JPG" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" ><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">I have been to the mountain top.</span> </span>
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<br />I say that tongue in cheek, as many reading this consider my moving to Oregon to write a book (and my subsequent move to California) to be the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">equivalent</span> of a hermit going to the mountain top to sit and and contemplate the meaning of life.
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<br />Two days after returning from my three week trip back to Illinois, the household went into retreat. We spent five days reflecting upon our year of living in community.
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<br />We looked at the intentions we had set during that first retreat and reflected upon our personal growth over the year. We also looked at where we presently are in our lives and where we felt we were going.
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<br />Much like the hermit upon the mountain top, my reflection brought me new insights about myself, about my life, and where I am now going. Some of which may surprise those who regularly read this blog. I will admit that several of them surprised me as well. Join me, as I climb the mountain as I share my journey of reflection and insight.
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">One of the my first intentions was to let go of my fear and doubt about the book.</span>
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<br /> My reflections included: The book has become almost insignificant to my <span style="cursor: pointer; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;" class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1277927329_6">personal growth and development</span>. Further, it is not possible for me to proceed with the book without balancing both myself and my life. I no longer have fear or doubt about the book or its impact. I am not abandoning the book, but will work on it as I am called to do so. The book is the journey and not the designation. It has been, is and will remain <span style="font-style: italic;">A Journey of the Heart.</span>
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Another of my intentions was to let go of the </span><span style="cursor: pointer; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent; font-weight: bold;" class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1277927329_7">fear of success</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">.</span>
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<br />My reflections: There was a time that I could only mark myself as a success if the book was published or if I was revered as an author or spiritual leader. I have come to realize that it was much more important for me to be comfortable with who and what I am. Success now looks like me not just liking myself . . . . .but loving myself. <span style="font-style: italic;">All else comes from there.</span>
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">As it was one of the group's original intentions, we next reflected on our growth during the last year regarding Intimacy/Relationship.</span>
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<br />My reflections were varied:
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<br />I often felt absolutely alone even as I was living in a household where I was loved more intensely, more unconditionally than I had ever been. This seemed to be more about my ability to receive the love rather than how well or intensely I was loved.
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<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">My greatest intimacy has been in being myself.</span> That is my authentic self. I stopped presenting an image just so that I would be loved. I presented my true, my authentic self, only to find I was still loved.
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<br />Releasing the deepest, darkest wounds within my being allowed me to let go of not just self-judgment and self-loathing, but a deep set self-hatred that I had not realized I carried. I came to not just forgive my father who I thought was responsible for the deep wounds but came to understand my own responsibility for them. I forgave myself which started an <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1277927329_8">intimate relationship</span> with myself.
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">With all this reflection we asked ourselves two questions: What’s the most essential to</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> remember—for the last year, and for now?</span>
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">From the past year:</span>
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<br />My personal growth of both healing and finding myself.
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<br />Being fully authentic as possible about who and where I am, but always realizing I AM choosing.
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<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Who do I choose to be now?</span>
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<br />I thought I was the book only to learn I had nothing to do with the book. Yes, yes the story is mine, but I am so much more than the book—to the point that the book or the publishing of the book is NOT an essential part of me.
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<br />I no longer need love like an addict who must have it, must have it like a fix at all costs—and will do anything to get it. I found a new balance of mind, body and spirit and not just like myself but have come to love who I am. So much so that I don’t need to be loved by another to define who I am. Yet, when I do choose to love, it is perfectly okay to say that I have certain needs that I would like fulfilled.
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">For now:</span>
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<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Who do I choose to be now?</span>
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<br />To be fully authentic first with myself, then with others—and of course, as always, with God.
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<br />I am fulfilled and perfect as I am. Right now. Right here.
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<br />Follow my heart.
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<br />Forget all my preconceptions of who and what I am and simply <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">be</span>.
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<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Who do I choose to be now?</span>
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<br />Acknowledge my gifts and abilities but do not allow them to define me for they too can limit me.
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<br />Yet with all of that said, I need not play small. I need to acknowledge that I am a divine being and by choosing to go into relationship—even to the point of letting go of my preconceived idea of what I am about—does not mean I quit being big, or that I am retreating from all that I am, but that I am choosing this as my next step in evolution.
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<br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Who do I choose to be now?</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">
<br /></span></span>
<br />The last two days of my household's retreat was to empower ourselves in our individual pursuits. We literally climbed to the mountain top. It was dusk as these low-light photos indicate. As often happens in life the destination was not as important as the journey.
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<br />Many friends know that I am afraid of heights. Yet I climbed in faith with the love and support of my housemates. The inclines were steep. A slip or fall would certainly have meant broken bones. I amazed myself as we climbed to the pinnacle. I literally sat on the mountain top.
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<br />And while there I let go of my preconceived ideas of who I am and soared into the perfect freedom to be whoever I choose to be.
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<br />In my next blog I will share some more of what I am choosing--including the possibility that I am moving back to Illinois.
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mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-24547645219708250052010-06-16T00:15:00.003-07:002010-06-16T00:26:38.405-07:00Corrections / EditingEver wondered why it takes me so long to edit my book? <br /><br />It 's because as my beloved aunt points out in her comments--I'm a terrible speller. And the spell check on this blog does not check grammar. So I published an embarrassing post where I didn't seem to know the difference between wear and where. I did spell check it but didn't read it over as I was in a hurry to get it posted before my date arrived.<br /><br />I don't mind having such errors pointed out as at least I know someone is reading the blog. I have<br />made the appropriate corrections.<br /><br />I have made if safely back to California and will go into retreat with my housemates on Thursday.<br /><br />Blessings.<br /><br /><br />I am not back inRichard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-39699079990321169142010-06-14T08:00:00.005-07:002010-06-16T00:27:08.742-07:00And back again<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXWAOPdm1bUZgg-IliquGPa_-h54Wue2CymzYUJLGDrT5Tm1780D7fPlc8H28uaj_ursZQMbECteLau81U3upYtc77AvmFB3STsb8-pKCkJ5YHPDt2M5H68hjtnXQD5zZgeQvzhQ/s1600/IMG_1125.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXWAOPdm1bUZgg-IliquGPa_-h54Wue2CymzYUJLGDrT5Tm1780D7fPlc8H28uaj_ursZQMbECteLau81U3upYtc77AvmFB3STsb8-pKCkJ5YHPDt2M5H68hjtnXQD5zZgeQvzhQ/s400/IMG_1125.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482649637132419858" border="0" /></a><br />During my visit to Illinois in May I learned that my younger sister was seriously ill. She was having trouble with her bladder and her bowels. At one point they thought it might be cancer or MS or another neurological disorder.<br /><br />The final diagnosis was that she has a cyst on her spinal column that is putting pressure on the nerve system to her lower regions. The shutting down of her organs was due to this. Or so they think. They scheduled surgery nearly immediately.<br /><br />During surgery they would remove two vertebrae, drain the quarter sized cyst, put the vertebrae back, fusing them together, and then rehabilitate her. She would have to learn to walk again. Success rate: 1% permanent paralysis below the waist, 6% other complications, 93% success. Even with this, there is no guarantee that the problem with her organs would correct itself.<br /><br />I decided to come back for the surgery. I returned the Wednesday after my Jean Houston weekend. I had come home for two weeks and then returned to Illinois.<br /><br />It ended up there were complications in her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pre</span>-op testing, and surgery was delayed. I had planned for this, extending my stay for 3 weeks, returning June 15<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">th</span>.<br /><br />Further testing cleared her for surgery ------- for June 21st. It was decided the surgery requires two <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">neurosurgeons</span> and one of them was not available until the 21st.<br /><br />Unfortunately, I have another retreat scheduled for June 18-21, and it is necessary for me to return to California. My sister understands my decision to return and we both feel my visit has been worthwhile. I have significantly worked with her to prepare her for surgery. The process itself will remain private for now but I will share that I worked to remove her fear and help her to be at peace before going into surgery.<br /><br />If you are reading this, and I was unable to visit with you during this trip, please know that I have meant no disrespect, but that my attention was elsewhere.<br /><br />Blessings upon you all.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-67436688041778169202010-06-14T07:31:00.008-07:002010-06-16T00:27:40.125-07:00Robes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKnCPcUl5pr_ga2hmmPlKKA3P7lgQA9GzeHLxcU0xnlPX0QDaLGeqijxt8-ZQRC7AKpiYCRpEDp4zlpDKYR1u8tbiyyvkdpQSprS-jrRUJQtB10KPdq6HBpRj20EPt6-T1ViWHGA/s1600/IMG_1083.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKnCPcUl5pr_ga2hmmPlKKA3P7lgQA9GzeHLxcU0xnlPX0QDaLGeqijxt8-ZQRC7AKpiYCRpEDp4zlpDKYR1u8tbiyyvkdpQSprS-jrRUJQtB10KPdq6HBpRj20EPt6-T1ViWHGA/s400/IMG_1083.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482641762334215650" border="0" /></a><br />It's been more than a month since I last posted. Obviously, I have been busy. I was home (in California) for a week and then went back to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Petaluma</span> for my second weekend workshop with Jean Houston. This weekend was on ritual and ceremony. I had some extraordinary experiences during the weekend. Some of which I may share later on this blog.<br /><br />During my first weekend workshop in February with Jean Houston we were invited to wear celebratory clothing to the Saturday evening session. That started on a journey of self exploration.<br /><br />While living in California I have worked many processes working with the deep wounds of my life. I have come to peace. I also have deepened my spirituality through my writings, my meditations and personal growth and development. Some of which has been shared here. I have longed for their to be a way for me to demonstrate the significant changes in my life. Along came Jean Houston's invitation to wear celebratory clothing. I observed others wore many different types of clothing, tunics, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">caftans</span>, etc. And that got me thinking about wearing a cloak or robe.<br /><br />I designed a set of robes to wear to certain of the spiritual events that I attend. I wear them in celebration and when called to officiate at other ceremonies. I will say more about this as time goes on, but for now, let me simply say that the robes are an outward expression of my inner self.<br /><br />I feel empowered, at peace and in grace when wearing them. And no, I haven't gone so far off the deep end that I wear them all the time. I will talk more about my robes and their significance later, but there is more going on in my life that I feel is more important to share. So for now, I'll simply post these pictures and go on to my next post.<br /><br />Blessings.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22480858.post-72638449134857597432010-05-12T09:15:00.002-07:002010-05-12T09:37:57.474-07:00Have ReturnedThis is my first full day back in California. And I have much work to do.<br /><br />One of my first tasks was to update this blog. I do know that many follow it and the developments of my life.<br /><br />I have often spoken of this household and my housemates. We live in a very unique environment which is full of empowerment and dynamic energy. Yet, I fear, we often take it for granted.<br /><br />It is not until I have left this environment that I notice it. It usually takes about a week for it to wear off. I feel slightly less energized and somehow out of sync. It's a subtle thing and it doesn't interfere with the enjoyment of visiting, but is noticeable. It makes me miss my housemates. And I wonder if they feel my absence as I feel theirs. <br /><br />As I prepared to leave, I could feel their energy draw me. Like a moth to the light or a lost puppy to home.<br /><br />It is good to be back home. Even as it was nice to visit back home. An interesting <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dichotomy</span>.<br /><br />There is more to share of my visit and I will post of it in the near future.Richard Dicksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16476319349399047512noreply@blogger.com0