Still Difficult

During the Jean Houston weekend, we meet and sleep at one end of the retreat center and the dining hall is on the other end. This photo is of view along the walk. These are the hills just outside Petaluma and presently they are lush and green. Soon there will be wildflowers. This is the rainy season and so everything looks lush, but it will not be long before they will dry up and be golden brown.

It is still difficult to articulate the changes that have occurred in me over the last week or so. I was going to mention my daily meditation but realized I didn't meditate yesterday. Damn. Good habits are so hard to form. I will have to get to that directly.

I did manage to sit and converse with my book and I have a better idea of how to proceed. But my time has been filled with personal growth. I have been working with someone on my body image issues. She insists I learn to love the scar that splits my body. And I'm rather resistant to the idea. I am helping her with her own issues. We exchange long emails filled with love, healing energy and at rare moments even passion.

Do not allow yourself to be small-minded. Think beyond the obvious. Passion does not equate to sex. No, no, and no, this woman is not a lover.

It IS possible to share a deep love, even a deep passion with a woman and not be her lover or her mine. We share a deep unconditional love that we share through our spirituality. We share a deep passion for life. Yes, it IS possible to share thoughts about sensuality and sexuality and NOT be lovers. Mostly what we bring to each other is a new understanding, a new perspective about the personal issues we are each presently working on.

I am profoundly blessed to have this woman presently in my life. I have not loved like this since a previous long distance relationship that some readers of this blog know about. Even that comparison does not do justice to my feelings. The love I feel is intense, and somehow at a higher level than I have previously experienced. It is something that has moved beyond the need to be expressed physically. I know that is a very difficult concept for some people (mostly men) to conceive, but it is possible, and I'm experiencing it.

More and more often these posts are going to include my thoughts and experiences in an effort to help the readers of this blog move beyond their present thinking. I sincerely think of myself as deeply spiritual--a highly evolved spiritual being. But I didn't get here instantly. I am still evolving. So is everyone. I got here by others sharing their thoughts, their evolution, and so I am going to try to share more so that the evolution can be observed. And perhaps, just perhaps inspire your evolution as well.