More thoughts

"The beauty of facing life unprepared is tremendous. Then life has a newness, a youth; then life has a flow and freshness. Then life has so many surprises. And when life has so many surprises, boredom never settles in you."- Osho

My mind is full of thoughts this morning. I realize I haven't posted for some time and today I make three postings. It's just the way it is. The above quote came across my email this morning. It somewhat explains how we live as Harmonists. We are very in tune to the flow of life. We pay attention to synchronicity and what the universe is unfolding before us.

I thought the readers of this blog might like a report about how I am doing in regards to the re-balancing of myself--body, mind and spirit. I continue to go to water aerobics, nearly daily and many days twice daily.

I have applied for several jobs. Let's see, I applied for a Personal Assistant position, a couple of voice over projects. I considering working as a shipment clerk at an Adult Internet site--where I would have had to pick Adult DVD's up from studios, deliver them to a warehouse, and then deliver the prepared shipments to the post office. No, I did not apply, just considered. Just didn't feel in balance with who I am at the moment.

I had a job interview yesterday as a housesitter. I would work mostly as a groundskeeper and then take care of their dogs when they were absent. In return I would live rent free in a cottage on their property. This place has to be seen to be believed. It's a couple of hours away from where I am presently staying. It's nearly at the top of a mountain about an hour north of San Diego. The view is stunning. There are others being interviewed and I will let you know if I get the job.

As I drove to the interview I thought if I got the above job that it would be nice to start to write again and to work on my book. Please understand this is just an inkling of a thought process. I do not believe now is the moment, but perhaps soon. This is progress, as I haven't much thought about it since arriving.

I continue to process and heal deep issues. It seems inappropriate to share the details here. What is important to know is that I am not idle in this regard, progress is being made.

So with report, I can once again say . . . the journey continues.

More Rewoods

Last weekend several of us went north to Petaluma to see Maria's cousin's band open for The Lost Boys-a teenage boy band. Both bands were good and The Lost Boys were highly energetic and very professional as they dealt with a misbehaving sound system. The audience was a mix of squealing teenage girls and adults who were mostly disinterested. It was and a great experience. We went on to spend the night with my cousins in Santa Rosa who treated us with a royal breakfast.

Afterwards we made our way to Muir Woods, a National Park with redwoods. Redwoods! Call me a tree hugger if you will, but I do love these old trees. This park is very different from Memorial Park where Brother Tree lives. There are "stay on the trail" signs along much of the trail. Luckily we were able to find a trail not so marked. While this photo does show me on the trail, we were able to find a group of trees to commune with. My report continues in the post below this one.

More Redwoods continued

So I know readers of this blog want to know if I met another tree that talked to me. And the answer is yes. Several. Several more than several. The energy of this forest overwhelmed me when I first arrived--I got lightheaded and was glad I had my walking stick with me. I soon adjusted as met several trees I would have loved to have communed with but there were the damned aforementioned signs, so was unable to.

As the three of us walked in the forest in the midst of this Sunday crowd, we agreed that there should be a Silent Sunday. We listened to people talk about the forest but seem to miss the experience we were having. We found ourselves speaking softly, almost whispering. There were stairs to the right that the main crowd was not taking--and so we elected to do so. Even with the stairs, the trail was great!

One of the group found this great group of greats to commune with and invited us to joy her. Three or four of the group were burnt out, much as Brother Tree is.

This group of trees was very interesting in that they seemed to be connecting their energy to each other. Sitting in the center was a very loving experience. (I don't know if I have told you before that a tree's energy is very gentle and loving. Much like body temperature water flowing over you. Multiply this by the number of trees and with a factor of the age of the trees and you start to understand the intensity of this gentle love.) So we sat in the center of these trees and just soaked in the loving energy. It is easy to feel at one with the trees. I sincerely wish that everyone could experience trees the way I do. In fact, I propose that you can--if you get quiet enough to feel the tree's energy. I took the lower photo while I sat communing with the trees. Click on it to enlarge it and you might be able to feel what it felt like to sit in the center of them.

I asked the burned out tree if it knew Brother Tree. He responded that he was his Brother--in spirit. He spoke of knowing of my healing of Brother Tree. I tried to explain it was not me but my friend who had healed, but he pushed me off, he shushed me and told me that he knew what I had done. He went on to say "Now, let us heal you." With that I could feel a warmth come over me and I just sat and soaked it up. How does one respond to such a thing? With gratitude, with a gentle and loving gratitude.

I will conclude this post with an observation. As I walked in the forest I became aware that the trees were in need of love. They had not been loved enough. I know that seems impossible considering how crowed the forest was. There is a difference between being looked at or even appreciated it and being loved. I hope that the next time you visit a forest that you might remember that the trees are living things, that they indeed do have feelings and while you don't have to hug a tree for it to feel your love, perhaps you can remember the gentle and loving touch of a beloved grandmother and remember the tree feels your touch and your love.

Moving On

This sunset was over the bay at San Leandro looking towards San Francisco. It was wondeful to watch the fog roll in and then the sun reflect off both the fog and clouds. As it was dusk I wasn't sure I would be able to capture this picture without the flash going off--I am happy with the result. This is my last day in Santa Rosa. I move on to Chatsworth tomorrow. There is another Camp Harmony scheduled with weekend. I am looking forward to being with my fellow Harmonists (in the tradition of the Transcendentalists.)

Recovery

I have been spoiling the readers of this blog by supplementing these posts with a photo. I have run out. Or don't have anything recent. So you will just have to enjoy reading the words without a photo.

I drove out quickly--in just two days time. Sixteen hours the first day, and fourteen the next. And I have seemed to be in recovery since. Over the weekend I seemed to need a bit more sleep and was a bit groggy. I assume this is from fatiguing myself during the drive.

Yet if you are a reader of this blog you know that I am also in a growth period. I have created a great deal of inner turmoil in an effort to find an even deeper sense of peace. That process continues even as I am enjoying my present visit with my cousins. (These are the foodies that I often visited while I lived in Oregon.)

Later this week, I will make my way to visit with a friend and we will once again make the trip to Pascadaro and the redwoods. I am looking forward to it. I always find peace amongst the redwoods. Does this make me a tree hugger? Perhaps. All I know is that I feel their energy and it is wonderful. I wish everyone could feel what I do.

I hope you are enjoying your Labor Day weekend. I miss so many people, yet know I am where I need to be.

The Journey continues.

Returning to Camp Harmony

Sunday I will leave for Iowa to visit family and to pick up some of what I have stored there. I will leave Tuesday for Santa Rosa where I'll spend a week or so. I am sure to visit the redwoods once again. Sometime in during the following week I will head south to the LA area--there is another Camp Harmony scheduled.

Anyone who has been following this blog will know that that the last Camp Harmony had a profound effect upon me. I have been reluctant to share those experiences with anyone beyond my most intimate friends. Yet this move to California will surprise and perhaps bewilder some of my most devoted supporters.

I have shared many experiences on this blog that have been beyond many peoples experience or even understanding. Yet they have been very real to me, and part of my life. So too are the experiences of Camp Harmony. Recently I wrote a lenghty letter to a friend descriibng those experiences. I have edited it to down to eleven pages. If you are truly interested, then you can read it on my From the Barn blog. The link is at the bottom of the page.

I will address the main issue of my book. No, it is not edited. Nor have I felt a need or desire to do so. The simpliest explanation is that I am not ready. I haven't abanonded it, nor have I even postposed it. I am very aware that what I am presently going through is part of the book process. As I went into the Camp Harmony retreat I came to realize that to fulfull all that the publishing of my book means, I must become balanced in body, mind and spirit.

As I said that, I thought I was very balanced in spirit and mind, and needed a lot of work on my body. That ought to teach me to think. lol. During the last few weeks I have been in great turmoil as I have strived to bring about the balance that I believe is not just necessary but essential. I have often said that I am at peace and harmony with and for my entire life. And so it might be surprising that I can be in such turmoil. (You can read more about this in the forementined article, but there is more to this than even what I share there.) What might surpsie you even more is that I chose to be in such turmoil. I can only say that it takes a great inner peace to chose such internal turmoil in effort to discover an even deeper sense of inner peace.

I don't know how long I will say in California. Long enough to get a job to support myself. I need to be close to my friends as this journey continues to unfold.

The journey continues.

http://journeychapters.blogspot.com/2009/08/camp-harmony-experiences.html

Still not editing

This rock formation is near Chatsworth, California where I was recently spent time in retreat with some great people. I have already posted about that experience but wanted to share this picture.

I have not yet edited my book. I had hoped to do so recently when while I was in Iowa to house sit for a vacationing cousin . While in route, I learned his brother had passed away. He had fought a hard battle against cancer for the last two years. His passing was a blessing but of course greatly grieved my family. My cousin did not take his vacation trip and instead of house sitting I helped my family at this time of loss.

I have returned to Illinois and have not felt like editing the book. It will come in all due time. Meanwhile I have applied for several house sitting jobs in California. I hope to live there for several months so I can be closer to my friends. House sitting seems like the perfect retirement job for me. It provides a place to stay and quiet to work on the book.

The journey continues.

Changes

This picture is from the first day of my current trip to California. While it was great to set my feet in the Pacific Ocean the water was still cold--certainly not as cold as in San Francisco Bay or even along the Oregon Coast--but it was still too cold to swim in for me. This was along Venice Beach and it was great fun to see all the funky people and shops. Yet that visit feels almost like ancient history.

I have just completed a seven day intensive retreat. I spoke briefly about this retreat in my last post. Of course, I was not alone and I spoke of the four people I was with in the last post. They are incredibly loving and powerful people. It was great to be amongst my peers. Please, do not read that as an egotistical statement.

We shared a strong desire to truly move beyond whatever personal issue we felt was holding us back from achieving the success we desired in and for our lives. Weeach brought high levels of experience, integrity, authenticity and consciousness to the group. We each brought a strong ability to stay in the moment and to trust our intuitions. This often manifested itself as saying the right thing/doing the right thing at the right moment that seemed to perfectly aid the process that was currently working. This included the ability to suggest just the right song for the moment and we have developed a soundtrack for the retreat. This diverse list includes music from U2, Crash Test Dummies, Marillion, John Denver, the Afro Celt Sound System, the soundtrack from Oliver as well as others. We each feel we have been profoundly changed by this retreat.


I started the week with the intention of understanding the issues that caused me to hold my weight. In the last post I spoke of working with my inner wounded child. This child felt protected by my layers of fat. Healing that child and bringing him fully into my heart helped fulfil my intention. So did one more process. A process that was so intense that I choose not to share it here. Through that process I came to understand that I did not have to be "big" to be seen or to be heard. I also do not have to be "big" to be able to be the powerful spiritual person that I am.

I could once again use a word that I far too often use (profound) but it might be more helpful for you to understand the change by describing how it has manifested itself: my body is talking to me. My body is telling me what it wants to eat. I know this is strange to hear and maybe even hard to believe but it is my real life experience. Imagine going to a restaurant and thinking that you were hungry for a hamburger but you're told by your body that it wants a salad. I ordered the salad. And it was great! More satisfying that I think the hamburger would have been. One evening we had all gone out to eat and I had ordered an entree and a dinner salad. The salad was great and I was looking forward to the entree. When it arrived at my table, I was no longer hungry for it--in fact it was nearly unappetizing--yet was exactly what I had ordered. I had it boxed up, and ordered another salad. This is not a diet. I am not sacrificing and what I eat is more satisfying that I thought possible. This is a lifestyle change. Oh, and i find my body likes to move: dancing, exercising walking and hiking.

I return to Illinois tomorrow.

The Journey continues

Family & More

I went to my family reunion in Bloomfield, Iowa on July 18th. We gathered at The Reunion Memorial Garden to remember and honor our family. This photo is of that garden. We begin each reunion this way. This was 25th Anniversary of the reunion and over 85 people were in attendance. It was a wonderful event.

I realize I haven't blogged for awhile, and can only say that my life has been busy. I was only back in Illinois a week before I went to Iowa for a week. I was once again in Illinois for a week when I returned to the west coast. This time to California.

I am near Burbank, California and am in retreat with some dear and loving friends. We call our retreat Camp Harmony. There are five of us here in attendance, and until Monday I had only met my dear friend Maria. Friendship with her is what we all have in common. That and being spirit and energy conscious people. It is hard to describe what this spiritual retreat is like. The words that come to mind are intense and loving. We almost instantly created a deep and loving bond that has allowed us to to "do" some intensive intrapersonal work. We each are working on issues that we wanted to work past.

For instance, I worked with my inner child Ricky yesterday. I intuited that this wounded child was part of my weight issue. This inner child has surrounded himself with fat to both protect itself and to be noticed. I'm sure there are those reading this that will not understand what I am talking about. And that is fine. It's my experience. I will just share that it was a emotionally draining hour. It is hard to describe the exercise to those who have not done inner work other than to use the word intense. I feel this event brought profound healing to me and is typical of the work we are doing while in retreat. And today is just day four of our week long retreat.

I will returning to Illinois next Wednesday for two days and then I'm returning to Iowa. My cousin has invited me to house sit while his family vacations. I intend to use the time to edit my book.

I live a nearly miraculous life. No. Let me correct that. I do live a miraculous life!

The journey continues.

Home?

I have arrived in Green Valley, Illinois. These daylillies are from my collection and are part of the front yard in my old house. My ex-wife is graciously letting me stay here while I am in transition. This is not home, and neither does Iowa feel like home. If I had to say where home was, I would say Oregon. It feels very surreal as I continue to meet and catch up with my friends. I have a very busy July and it may be August before I work on editting the book but I did come to a realization today.

Many of you were aware that I spent a lot of time in 2007 at the Pekin Riverfront writing. Between meetings, I returned there today to a bit of computer work. I realized I could edit my book there. It would seem almost poetic as many of the writings included in the book were received at the riverfront.

Other than a delightful summer cold, I am doing well.

The Journey continues.

It's not a secret

My last post indicated that I was editing my last chapter which I did complete. The truth is that I have received the last words, and the book is basically complete. This is the first draft and it is not ready for a publisher yet, but neither do I need to remain in Oregon. I had a dear friend ask if this was a secret and why it wasn't posted on my blog. And I realized she had a point, this information is not a secret. But she had another observation as well. I am on the left side of the country to do the creative portion of the book and am moving back east to do the editing or the critical portion . Which corresponds with using the left/right part of the brain. Although I am just moving to back to the Midwest, I liked her observation.

This picture is of the Rogue River Gorge that I visited week before last. I left Oregon as of July 1st. I spent a couple of days in Santa Rosa visiting my cousins and then a couple of days with a dear friend in San Leandro. We went to visit the redwoods again which is always a mystical experience for me.

And today, I am in Coalville, Utah just east of Salt Lake City.

The Journey continues.

Oh, and would you like to know the last words I received from God . . . they were "And I love you."

Crater Lake

Made the trip to Crater Lake yesterday. Wow! This shade of blue is hard to describe. There is a road that follows the rim of the crater and part of it was closed due to snow. Snow! I will post more photos as the week unfolds. I also stopped by The Rogue River Gorge and will post pics from there as well.

Meanwhile, it is back to editing the last chapter.

More Progress

This picture is from my trip to the Avenue of Giants. It is one of my favorite pictures. I do like trees.

I have been making excellent progress. I did answer the question about my Christianity. It took almost 20 pages. I do like to hear myself talk. lol.

I have also completed the discussion about prayer, which was nearly another 20 pages, and so if you've been keeping track--that means this chapter sits at 90 pages. And the grand total (drum roll please) is about 270 pages.

The last chapter will be a compilation of my past writings. That is my next project.

I am going to Crater Lake sometime this week and hope to have pictures to post.

The Journey continues.

The Question

I have been making progress on this chapter-55 pages. I believe there are only two more subjects to include on this chapter about Love & Faith.

From these postings it is quite clear that I believe in angels and that I believe in God but the question everyone wants to know is if I consider myself to be a Christian. That is what I am posed with in this chapter. And it's a difficult question to answer. I am struggling to answer it.

The struggle isn't IF I consider myself to be a Christian, but HOW I define it. I know what my feelings are, but they are difficult to articulate. I'm sure God and I will figure it out.

And the last subject is about prayer and that I do not pray the way I once did.

The Journey continues.

More Progress

I promised that I would post my photos from my recent visit to the Oregon Coast. The two photos that are side by side are of the same beach. The other two photos are of different beaches.

I continue to make progress on this chapter, now some 34 pages. I have been reading more of my past writings and will soon start writing again.

The Journey Continues.

I forgot

I forgot that I promised to post more pics from my trip. These are of the redwood forest that I recently visited.

I am never sure if I should share my struggles, but they are part of my reality. Yesterday I was beating myself up for having been distracted from my writing. It had been over a week since I had worked on the book, and so I talked to God about that. I posted an excerpt from yesterday's writing on From The Barn.

Meanwhile, rest assured that I am back to writing. I have now completed 22 pages in the new chapter and have been writing today and it is flowing well.

The Journey continues.

http://journeychapters.blogspot.com/2009/06/being-distracted.html

Smith River Gorge

During my cousin's visit we traveled over to the Oregon coast along Route 199 that runs along the Smith River. This is a beautiful river supplies by run off from the Siskou Mountains. The water is so clear that it takes a clear green color that resembles old glass Coke bottles. It was difficult to get a shot of the whole thing.

I took a series of shots moving down river. The temperatures along the water were about 10-15 degrees cooler than back at the Barn. The water was cold, but about a mile down stream the water calmed and there was a group of teenagers who were swimming.

This route also goes through the Redwood Forest. I have pictures from there as well as the coast and over the next few days, I'll post them.

Tomorrow, I'm off to visit my cousins in Santa Rosa. My landlords are taking some time off, so it will be the end of June before I get another opportunity to visit.

I haven't completely forgotten why I'm here and have produced 18 pages.

Smith River Gorge Continued

Next Chapter

I have a very kind and understanding landlord. He moved my writing table down to the lower pasture. My barnmates have been moved to another pasture and I can leave my table and chair in place. He even mowed a path so that I can walk down in my sandals without having to wade through weeds. Is he cool or what! I've included several views, so you can see where I write and the view from my table.

I took my book bag full of essentials down to my table yesterday and began a new chapter. I think this chapter is going to be about love and faith. Except the ten pages or so I wrote/received weren't exactly about love and faith, so we shall see how it goes.











I had an interesting experience with this writing. There were a couple of excerpts I thought God was wanting me to include in this current writing, but I thought we had used them already. I wasn't sure. I have read hundreds of pages of writings along with having received the many pages of this book. So this morning, I took the time to write up an outline of what I had written/received so far in this book. I think the usual process is to write the outline first, and the book second. As you can imagine, when you're writing a book with God, nothing about the process is normal. The process and this journey continues and I'm anxious to see what June brings.

Meanwhile, one of my favorite cousins is coming for a short visit next week. It will be good to see him. It will mean long talks over wine and cigars. I'm looking forward to it.

One Month

A month ago to the day, I started on this chapter. And I am happy to report that it is complete. Or at least receiving it is. This chapter ended up being 90 pages and that doubles my output to almost 200 pages. This has been a difficult chapter. I have been both emotional and pissed off while writing it. I have some work to do on editing it and printing it off. But that will wait.

My landlords garden continues to look great -- an ever changing array of color. It's another hot day in the 90's, I'm off to take a shower and take a nap. Hey, I'm retired you know!


The Journey continues.