A Name Change / Reverting Back

It has been a long time since I have spoken about my book. I will admit to having spent most of my time on personal development. Yet I have not been fully ignoring my book. With the help of creativity coach, I have revisited the vision of the book.

With that in mind, I have changed the name of my book back to A Journey of the Heart.

That may not surprise many who have read this blog. After all it was the original title of the book as well as this blog. But it is the subtitle has more closely describes my present vision for the book.

Heart

of the

A Journey

A memoir of how I found peace and harmony for my life

and along the way found out how to love myself.

You will notice that I have also changed the description of this blog to the above.
This does not lessen the impact my communications with God have had on my life. They are in fact the method by which I found much of the peace and harmony.

It is my sincere wish that by sharing my life on the pages of my book (and this blog) that others might also discover how they too can come to love themselves.

And so . . . The Journey Continues.

To There and Back Again

I was out of the country for most of last week. I didn't announce to this blog that I was going as I didn't want to worry anyone.

I went to Mexico City to meet a friend. This photo is of monument of the Angel of Independence. If you traveled down the boulevard in the direction the angel is facing you would come to the US embassy.

Interesting enough, while I was visiting so was Mrs. Obama and Secretary Clinton. So there was heightened security in the area.

I was staying in a very safe area. My friend and I often ate dinner out and would stroll the boulevard after dark. We would pass the headquarters for the Mexican Bureau of Investigation as we returned to the hotel.

The only trouble that I had during the entire trip was that the my tube of toothpaste didn't pass inspection at the Mexican airport. It was the proper size, but I don't think they were familiar with the shape of the bottle. It was easy enough to leave it behind.

I had a very pleasant trip and the four days flew by. Posting this blog is one of the details I am taking care of. I am very anxious to return to the editing of my book.

The journey continues . . .

A New Writing

I have posted another writing. I will warn that while it didn't start out about this subject, this writing is about Sacred Lovemaking. It is not graphic, but it is sensual.

It may be beyond that which some are comfortable with God talking about. Yet, it also will give the reader a deeper insight into me.

Just click on My Writings to the right of this post, and read as much or as little as you desire.

Reaching for the Heavens

This picture of redwoods seems to be reaching for the heavens. That's what last night felt like for me. A housemate and I went to a spiritual dance last night. I'm sure many may find my experience far too "woo-hoo" but it was blissful for me.

The weekly dance is held in a dance studio. The lighting is very subdued. The music is very new age, very Middle Eastern but also African, even jazzy blues.

This isn't an organized dance, or couples dancing. It's a group of individuals who tune into the music and allow their bodies to move as it will. Some dance slow and methodically, others are nearly frantic. Some are sitting and swaying to the music. Some are laying down, and moving to the music.

Even before I became heavyset, I was never a great dancer. I can't seem to connect what I feel in my mind to movement in my body. By the time I get my body to move the way I want, the music has moved on. So I have just seemed to be making awkward gyrations. Spirit dancing isn't like that for me.

It doesn't matter if I am coordinated. I just move as I desire and my body likes it. But still I couldn't seem to get out my head. Luckily, my back was spasming. (Do you see what this implies? My back is spasming with pain and I see it as lucky, or as a blessing?) I decided to lay down.

I closed my eyes and seemed to instantly connect to my spirit body. I envisioned my spirit body dancing. This sort of played like a video on the back of my eyelids. I felt myself dancing around a fire. At times I was Native American, others African, Aborigine, and Chinese. I morphed from one dance and clan to another according to the music. And I soon found myself in a state of bliss.

I would open my eyes and be surprised to see people dancing around me. Forty-five minutes had passed. I would close my eyes again and be back in bliss. I moved to another spot on the floor (trying to find a cooler spot.) Once again I closed my eyes and was in bliss.

I would open my eyes and be fully conscious for a few seconds, close them again and be in bliss. Near the end of the dance, I opened my eyes to find my housemate dancing near me. I smiled at her. I thought to get up and dance with her, but closed my eyes and was once again at bliss.

This very much an out-of-body experience. I struggled to come into consciousness. I realized the evening was nearly over and I got up to dance a bit. Yet, I was not fully present either. I was half in body and half in spirit. Very surreal. Very blissful.

The last couple of songs were soft and quiet, and I sort of step-walked through them. And then the group circled up, held hands, announced our names, and were thankful for the dance.

I was not fully conscious. Those who deeply meditate will know the feeling I am speaking about. I could have come fully conscious, but was enjoying the afterglow of bliss. My housemate drove home for me. And slowly I came fully into consciousness.

Now, all told I may have danced for 25-30 minutes, in three different sessions. Ten minutes at the last. And I was utterly exhausted. My body felt as if I had danced the entire time. And being at such a high energy can be exhausting as well.

This was different from the ecstasy dance that I previously experienced. But I like equally well. I would do either of them again.

These are my thoughts this morning.

And yes, the journey is continuing . . . maybe just a little more blissfully than before.

My Writings

Have you ever wondered what it's like to talk to God? Or in doing so, what my life might be like? Or what God and I talk about? Well here's your opportunity.

From time to time, I am going to post some of my writings. If you have the patience, you will find a new insight to God and what my conversations with him is like. Now, just to clarify, I hear God as a male voice and I often refer to him as Father. But by no means am I limited by that. I am as comfortable with God as a female as with a male. It is simply my experience to hear a male voice.

Now, you may think it takes gall to say that I talk with God. Some may think the very idea is blasphemous but I mean no disrespect. In my experience, it doesn't take gall, it takes heart.

In addition to an insight into God, you will get a glimpse into my life and how I live life as I am guided by God. The only change to the posting will be a removal of names. I'm sure you will understand why.

If you are interested in reading my writings then to the right of this posting there is a box headed My Writings. I will add links as I post writings.

Blessings to everyone.

Deep Contemplation

Before I share what I have been thinking about I thought I'd tell you this is another shot from my Jean Houston weekend. By the time I return, the trees will be leaved out. The IONS retreat center is very environmentally conscious. All of the lawns are maintained . . . by sheep.

Over the last week, I have been contemplating the deep thoughts of life. Specifically the balance of love and sorrow or pain. I have thought of the pain I have caused in my relationships. I have tried to balance those thoughts with the amount of love that I have also brought to these relationships.

So often as evolved spiritual beings we think that we only bring love to the equation. That is a very limited view and bypasses being responsible for the pain/sorrow we also cause.

The more I pondered this paradox the more I understood the balance of all of life. The great Yin/Yang of the universe. Everything is balanced.

I have come to realize that you cannot have love without sorrow. Love is balanced by sorrow, by heartache. If we did not have the pain/sorrow we might not be able to understand the exquisiteness of love.

Such deep thoughts do not necessarily bring one to a clear conclusion. Except that one is not better than the other. Just as I know I have caused others to feel intensely loved, I have also caused deep sorrow. I take responsibility for both.

Blessed be those who I have loved. Blessed be those who I have hurt. Blessed be those I will love. Blessed be those I will hurt. Blessed Be!

Still Difficult

During the Jean Houston weekend, we meet and sleep at one end of the retreat center and the dining hall is on the other end. This photo is of view along the walk. These are the hills just outside Petaluma and presently they are lush and green. Soon there will be wildflowers. This is the rainy season and so everything looks lush, but it will not be long before they will dry up and be golden brown.

It is still difficult to articulate the changes that have occurred in me over the last week or so. I was going to mention my daily meditation but realized I didn't meditate yesterday. Damn. Good habits are so hard to form. I will have to get to that directly.

I did manage to sit and converse with my book and I have a better idea of how to proceed. But my time has been filled with personal growth. I have been working with someone on my body image issues. She insists I learn to love the scar that splits my body. And I'm rather resistant to the idea. I am helping her with her own issues. We exchange long emails filled with love, healing energy and at rare moments even passion.

Do not allow yourself to be small-minded. Think beyond the obvious. Passion does not equate to sex. No, no, and no, this woman is not a lover.

It IS possible to share a deep love, even a deep passion with a woman and not be her lover or her mine. We share a deep unconditional love that we share through our spirituality. We share a deep passion for life. Yes, it IS possible to share thoughts about sensuality and sexuality and NOT be lovers. Mostly what we bring to each other is a new understanding, a new perspective about the personal issues we are each presently working on.

I am profoundly blessed to have this woman presently in my life. I have not loved like this since a previous long distance relationship that some readers of this blog know about. Even that comparison does not do justice to my feelings. The love I feel is intense, and somehow at a higher level than I have previously experienced. It is something that has moved beyond the need to be expressed physically. I know that is a very difficult concept for some people (mostly men) to conceive, but it is possible, and I'm experiencing it.

More and more often these posts are going to include my thoughts and experiences in an effort to help the readers of this blog move beyond their present thinking. I sincerely think of myself as deeply spiritual--a highly evolved spiritual being. But I didn't get here instantly. I am still evolving. So is everyone. I got here by others sharing their thoughts, their evolution, and so I am going to try to share more so that the evolution can be observed. And perhaps, just perhaps inspire your evolution as well.

Artticulating the Change in Me

My housemate and I have tried to capture the essence of our workshop experience.

At the first Mystery School weekend, we learned to:

Transcend our preconceptions of our relationship to space and time, and access elevated consciousnesses; in order to heal ourselves, and clarify and manifest our second destiny.

I know that there are those reading this that will only see that statement as gobblee-gook. And yet I know there are those who pause to ponder that statement and start to understand it. This statement declares that as spirits we are not limited in anyway--not even by space or time. We also have access to elevated spirit (spirit guides, angels, mythological archetypes, or God, Allah. The Universe.) Jean speaks of second destiny but the phrase "life calling" may be more readily understood.

I woke up this morning with an absolute knowing: that we must go to the future to heal our past, and our past to heal our future. That statement makes no sense if you are stuck within a limited view of space and time. It only works if you bypass the linear concept of time. Yes, I notice that it never mentions the present. Time is an illusion and so is the golden moment of now--the present. In an instant it has become the past, and the next instant is the future.

I know I have taught that there is only the golden moment of now and to stay in the moment. And that is still a true teaching. We far too often get cause up in fear of the future and the pain of the past.

Yes, I realize my statement of knowing is just opposite to what one might think to be true. Go to the future to heal our past? To our past to heal our future? The only way I can explain it, the only way I can grasp it is to transcend my relationship to space and time.

I have had great difficulty trying to articulate some of the changes brought on by the weekend spent with Jean Houston. After reading this, you may think I have "gone off the deep end." And perhaps your are correct for my head seems to be filled with very deep thoughts. (You can check out my Praise Blog for last night's thoughts.)

I have often had these type of thoughts and understandings. I have not shared them as I was not sure those reading this blog would appreciate them. These are thoughts to ponder and there is no correct or wrong answers--just pondering.

I am more clear of mind that I have ever been. I am more focused. It has taken me longer to type my thoughts than the time I took to ponder them.

In the spirit of being a Spiritual Evocateur, I have shared these thoughts. I feel I have under-utilized this blog to share my thoughts and experiences. I hope to change that. Not every blog will resonate with every person reading this. Yet, it may just cause you to think, to question your assumptions.

And yes, I will explain what I mean by Spiritual Evocateur . . . in a later post.