Thursday, December 31, 2009

Editing


I'm always surprised to find that it's been weeks since I last posted. I do have a good excuse--or not. I have been editing.

I am quite surprised to learn that editing seems to take ten times as much time and effort as the original writing did.

I must once again praise my housemate who serves as my editor. She is gentle and kind and yet very direct. Did I mention she has taught English? She has helped to guide me as I cut pages and expanded ideas that were not completely fleshed out.

I must also say that God has proved to be very cooperative in this process. I have not heard objections as I have cut dialog. (Most of which was not pertinent to the book.) God has also added dialog as needed as well. So, all in all--the editing process is much like our normal dialogs.

I have completed five chapters, some 57 pages. These pages are fully formatted and would be ready for the publisher.

I am currently working on Chapter 6 and hope to have it completed before the end of January. Please keep in mind as it is currently written it is 45 pages. Most likely it will get broken down into smaller chapters. We shall see.

I would like to think I'm working on the final draft of the book, but that is not realistic. But once this draft is completed. I will read through it all again to see if it flows properly. My editor will as well and we'll go from there.

Now as to my personal life. There are many who want to know if I am dating anyone. And while I could answer that it's none of your business, the simple truth is that I am not. I have concentrated on my personal growth and the editing of the book.

For the longest time, I didn't think it would be possible to live the intent of this book and have enough energy to devote to a relationship. I have come to rethink that. This has much to do with deep inner work I have done over the last few months. So I will tell you this: one of my intents for next year is to have a meaningful relationship.

That statement is far too short for all that it involves. I have not come up with the exact intent, as I haven't decided exactly what it is that I'm looking for. Much of my thought process has been about what I don't want. The one thing I have decided is that I would like the person to be a spiritual peer. I'll update this blog as I gain clarity on the matter.

Over Christmas I was able to visit my favorite redwood forest. It was a little cool--in the 50's and damp. I so love the connection I feel when visiting old forests.

Speaking of connection--if you have not seen the movie Avatar yet--I can't recommend it highly enough. I was very moved by it.

I have big plans for January and will announce them soon.

Meanwhile, the journey continues.

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Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Feeling Guilty


As I drove back from a job interview today, I was feeling guilty. It is a beautiful sunny day with the temperature in the 50's. It feels a little cool to me. My jacket felt good. And I realized what the weather was back in Illinois: windy, snow with snow blowing and a high of 15. Makes me feel guilty. Luckily, the feeling doesn't last long. lol. The closest I have come to snow is to see it on the mountain tops.

Meanwhile I am busy editing and enjoying the sunshine.

The Journey continues . . .
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Saturday, December 05, 2009

Progress


My previous posting included a picture of El Capitan taken at Tunnel View. If you turn 180 degrees you see this tunnel. I never said I had much sense, so I stood in the middle of the road for this photo to be taken. (It's not the same as playing in traffic--but it's close.)

Once again it took me a couple of days to recover from my visit. Three days of traveling over 6 hours did me in.

My housemate had edited Chapter 2 while I was gone and provided feedback. Today I was able to make the corrections--and additions--to the chapter and am happy to report it now complete.

On to Chapter 3 which will nearly double the size of the edited book. Ohhhh, the power of the red pen.

The Journey continues.
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Thursday, December 03, 2009

Yosemite


During my extended stay over Thanksgiving weekend, my cousins and I made a trip to Yosemite National Pakr. This is El Capitan and believe it or not, there are two rock climbers about half way up the mountain side. The park was both beautiful and awesome. Over the next few weeks, I will post other pictures.

I am finally back in Chatsworth. Due to the trip to the park, I have traveled 6 hours over each of the last three days. It feels good to be back. I have not worked on the book since before Thanksgiving. I did spend some time writing on Tuesday morning.

I did not do well in my battle with suagr over the weekend, but am determined to return to it.

Meanwhile the Journey continues.
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Monday, November 23, 2009

Book Progress


No progress report could be complete without mentioning what I have accomplished with my book editing.

I have spent some time perfecting the book's typography format. It's looking good, even if I do say so myself. This is done with an eye to self publishing but we shall see.

One of my housemates serves as my editor. She has not been familiar with my past writings and so brings a new perspective that I respect. Her insights are very valuable. At her suggestion I have even been known to delete whole paragraphs--even half page at a time.
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So I imagine that leaves a question in your mind if I edit God's words. The simple answer is yes--judiciously. And I might add, often with God's input. I am very careful never to change the context. Mostly it's errors in grammar that I'm correcting.

That being said, I have completed the Author's Note, The Introduction, and Chapter One. Now, that is not how I originally laid it out. The Introduction was Chapter One, and Chapter was Chapter Two. No matter. So I was ready to move onto the next chapter--what had been known as Chapter Three.

As I started editing, it didn't seem to make sense. It didn't flow from where the last chapter left off. And then it referenced something to the last chapter that didn't exist in the last chapter. I got very confused as to what was going on.

Finally I noticed the dates of the writings and realized a day was missing. Luckily, when I compiled my daily writings into chapters, I had saved the daily writings separately and was able to find the missing chapter. Seven pages worth. And that's what I'm working on now. I took time out to make these posts.

On Wednesday I will returning to Santa Rosa to have Thanksgiving with my cousins and will spend the long weekend with them. One of my cousins from Illinois will be visiting and we are all scheduled to visit Yosemite National Park on Monday. I hope to return to here by Tuesday.

As Thanksgiving approaches I am extremely grateful for my life. This Journey has not been easy, but I have no regrets. None. Gratitude is my attitude.

Blessed Be!
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Personal Progress


Several weeks ago I posted a writing I received from God in which He strongly suggested that I excise the nasty habits I have of self-judgment and self-loathing. Only in the vaguest sense have I reported my progress in this effort. I have mentioned that I had been working personal processes that my housemates had been supporting in.

I now wish to give a progress report. In actuality I had excised these habits just prior to our visit to the Sequoia National Forest. As is typical with me it involved a two part emotional process which took place over a week's time.

The first part is always the most difficult which is getting "in touch" with the feelings. The deeper the issue the more difficult this is to do. I can say that this issue was at the deepest core of my very being. I have never worked a deeper issue and it was highly emotional.

I got in touch with the very source of my self-judgment and self-loathing. It was not that I didn't love myself. It wasn't because I thought I was unlovable. It was because I hated myself.

Now, I know that is a shocking statement and many of you will want to immediately refute it. But I can tell you that it took a great deal of effort to get to that feeling. The good news is once you get in touch with something, then you can process it and heal it.

It is a peculiarity of mine that once I get in touch with such feelings I like to "be" with it for a while before I further process it. I figure it has taken me a lot of effort and energy to get in touch with whatever I'm processing. Once I have done so, I like to figure out how it has served me and my life. Once I understand I am then willing to release it.

Due to circumstances I did not have the luxury of spending as much time with these feelings as I would have liked. Two days later in the second part of the process I emotionally released the self-hatred which often manifested itself as self-judgment and self-loathing.

As is also typical with me, I have written a narrative of my process but have yet to decide if I will post it here. I do think that others might gain insight to their own lives by sharing it but it is deeply personal and I haven't decided to share it yet.

I am posting this limited report on my progress. I can tell you that these nasty habits have been excised as God had suggested. I really do follow His guidance in nearly all aspects of my life. The habits are simply gone and have been replaced with self-love which continues to manifest itself in interesting ways.

My choice to get off sugar is one of ways. Another is how I presently criticize myself. When I observe something I haven't accomplished, a fault, or even a mistake, I really don't judge myself about it. I observe it, and see the opportunity for improvement. There is no judgment, just opportunity.

So with love and affection and maybe even a little pride, I can say: The Journey continues.

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Two Weeks!

As of tomorrow it will be two weeks without sugar! As in all things in my life, it has been an interesting journey. It has not been without its failures: The 2nd day I had a breath mint. Yes, I know that seems like a small thing but it was an unconscious thought at intermission during a play. A week ago I had a bottle of Gatorade while at the movies. I had selected it instead of a bottle of water and at $3 a bottle I wasn't going to throw it away. I chart my success and I did not allow myself to mark[X] those two days as successes even if to the greater degree they were.

This has been a far greater struggle than I thought it would be. I expected to have wtihdrawals and cravings during the first 72 hours, but this has lasted As amazing as it might seem for those who know me, I have not craved chocolate. Instead I crave sugar in general. Yesterday was a day of struggle. I didn't dare allow myself go out alone to eat or even to the store. I am happy to report that it became a red letter day.

I am happy with my success so far. It has forced me to eat even healthier than I was. Fruit is the only sugar I allow myself. I don't even drink fruit juice.

I am equally happy to report that today is an empowered day. I was able to go to the store to shop. I even found some sugar-free creamer so that I can start having coffee again. I have not been able to find my favorite Southern Roasted Pecan coffee out here. That's a hint to all those Santa's out there.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

You're Not Going To Believe This

Over last weekend my housemates and I went up into the Sierra Nevada mountains to Sequoia National Forest to hold a retreat. We stayed in what was formerly housing for lumberjacks. It wasn't as rustic as that sounds, as this was a modern lumber camp. This picture is not of that area. (This was taken in the park by the condominium complex we live in.)

I had left my camera in Santa Rosa during my last visit. We visited the 100 Giants trail which was about 10 miles from where we stayed. It was great to walk beside these giant Sequoias. Many of these were even bigger than what I saw when visiting the Ave of the Giants. My friend took a few pictures and when she sends them to me, I'll post them. Now that I got that out of the way, let me get back to what happened during the retreat.

If you are a reader of this blog, then you are use to reading about profound and miraculous events in my life. This retreat was not like that. I didn't work any deep issues through some emotional process. The whole point about working one's issues is about gaining personal power. What we learned this weekend just adds to that. This retreat was designed as a growth experience. We studied the five levels of intention and personal empowerment. We looked and studied seven ways we mismanage personal power and seven techniques to developing personal power.

During this retreat I came to recognize many of the ways I waste my personal energy. One of those ways is my addiction. And I have decided to change that. As of today. In the ways of all recovering addicts I shall just concentrate on today. Yep, you're not going to believe this, but I'm going to get off sugar.

Those of you who know me personal (and that's mostly who reads this blog) you know that I have been addicted to sugar for years, even decades. As I was recently told I am diabetic, this will improve my health as well.

I have had, do have a terrible, terrible sweet tooth that I over indulge. Twice in my life I have gotten off sugar when I was dieting. I hated doing so. This is a different mind set. It's about personal empowerment. The next 72 hours is usually the worse. I have a headache, I am irritable and grouchy. I have warned my housemates about this withdrawal period. They have joyfully offered to let me be as grouchy as I want. Which of course means, I probably won't be. (It's not nearly as much fun being grouchy if others think it's okay to be and even welcome it as part of your personal process.)

That is exactly why I am here living with these friends. I have been working on deep personal issues through many processes including very emotional processes. My friends have supported me through these processes just as they are with my withdrawal from my sugar addiction. We lovingly support each other. As much as it is possible we live in unconditional love.

Meanwhile, I have made progress on editing the book. The Author's Note, Introduction and Chapter One are complete. That's not how I wrote it. The Introduction was Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 is now Chapter 1. One of my friends in the house is proofreading the edited work and providing valuable feed back. I spent 4 days on Chapter 1. (I only work in the morning-early afternoon for 4 hours.) I like how the chapter came out. It is presently in my friend's hands to proofread.

I am left with only one thought out the editing process: if it took me 4 days to edit 10 pages, how long will it take to edit the two 90 page chapters that I have?

I'll report my progress on both my sugar addiction and editing.

The Journey continues.
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Saturday, October 24, 2009

How am I?


I know that many read this blog strictly to learn how I am doing. I have not updated my condition since I announced that my left eye was blind for a few days. So let me update you to all that is going on in my life. (The picture is of the ceiling of the main meeting room at Meditation Mount.)

My eye is probably as good as it's going to get. I still have a couple small spots of blindness. It seems to come and go. They are about the size of the center of this a. My eyes have adjusted to this. I do have some trouble when reading with only that eye and occasionally it can be light sensitive.

My job situation is still the same. Lots of applications and resumes. My finances are still a major issue, but I'm doing what I can to find a job. Living from the heart is not for everyone and hasn't always been easy for me. And for those who wonder--no, I don't regret having retired or the loss of income. Ok, maybe at the moment I miss the income, but I wouldn't change it I had to do it over again. My life is so much more satisfying. Deep down, at the soul level, satisfying.

If you read the "That Which I am About" post then you know that I have an agenda set before me. I am working on me. I have tried to share some of the processing I have done. Yet must admit that there's significant processing that I have done that I have not shared. It is difficult to explain some of it, and some it I choose to keep private. Perhaps it will one day be in a book. lol.

Speaking of books, last week I checked out CreateSpace which is associated with Amazon.com. I learned I can self publish my book for as little as $300. The book would be available electronically or a hard copy can be printed on demand. They often a high level of assistance from editing to layout and design. Even including artwork. Of course the fees go up for that. The $300 is for a book ready to be printed. Which I'm working on.

Yep, you read correctly. I am working on the book. (Yes, I know what God said in the writing I shared in the previous post but I felt it was time.) I started editing. At the same time, I am typesetting the book. This is in preparation for the previously mentioned self publishing it. Yep that still means I need a job, but while I am waiting and applying and waiting and applying, applying, applying, I can be doing something on the book. Can't explain why I feel compelled to do so now, I just am. I continue to work on me, but that's difficult to explain in writing.

Meanwhile, the journey continues . . . .

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World Shift 2012

Last Saturday several of us made our way to Meditation Mount (http://www.meditation.com) in Ojai, California to hear Barbara Marx Hubbard and Dr. Ervin Laszlo speak about World Shift 2012.
It does not take a big leap of the imagination to see that humanity is on the brink of destroying itself. (The planet cannot continue to sustain us. We cannot continue with a "me first" consciousness.) The Myan calender ends in 2012 and many do believe that means an end of life as we know it. Many experts around the world agree that what is needed is a shift in consciousness.
"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To build something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." Buckminster Fuller
World Shift 2012 and Renaissance 2 are combining to bring about a global shift in consciousness. If you are a person of consciousness, if you believe that there is something you can do, I invite you to check out http://www.barbaramarxhubbard.com and http://www.renaissance2.eu
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That Which I Am About


I know there are those who follow this blog who wonder if I have forgotten what I am about. There has been no mention of writing or working on the book. It would appear that I have forgotten all about that. That would not be the case, it is always on my mind.

A couple of weeks ago I sat down to write as my friends hiked. I took the above picture as I sat at a picnic table and talked to God for the first time since I moved to California.

The conversation did not go as I would have expected. I got spanked-lovingly-but spanked none the less. Not for what I have not been doing, but for what I had been doing a lot of lately. That is judging myself. I will not share here in what context I had been judging myself except to say that I need to see myself as others see me. I think it might be easier to just share part of the writing with you. (This color indicates God is speaking.)

My self judgment is a tool.

It is a habit! Let us not bullshit each other! (Sternly.)

You seem to be irascible today.

You and your beloved friends talk about "efficient use of time and looking into the sun." Let's just say I am shining a little sunlight on the matter and choose not to waste either of our times.

Again I don't know what to say.

Good! Because I do. I have much to say and a short amount of time to say it.

The number one thing I want to say is that I love you. I haven't stopped loving you. Just because you and I have not been in written communication does not mean you have fallen out of my favor with me.

Just because you are not presently working on the book does not mean you have fallen out of favor with me. It doesn't mean that you have somehow lost your motivation or your direction. The book is the book is the book. It is complete. It needs to be edited. That will come when it comes.

Yes, there is another book in you. There is always another book book in whatever author you wish to speak about. Your present job is not to work on another book about some unknown subject that corresponds with the Weaver's work. Not at this time. Soon - but not now. (I always worry about the word soon. There is the divine soon which can seem to be infinite when compared to soon in our relative world. Before I could write the question, God answered.) And I do not mean that in the sense of the "divine soon" but in the relative sense. But that book cannot be brought forth in your present condition.

You must become more pure--more clear--more loving. Not more loving of the world--but more loving of self. That is what you have come to Camp Harmony. To love yourself again--and to lose some of the old habits--including your self loathing. I want you to work aggressively at excising out the habit of self loathing and self judgment. Be as violent as you have to be but excise them. Sooner rather than later.

You have said you like to "look into the sun." Well, my son, put your sunglasses on if you must but excise those habits! Time is short. My time is short. Your time is short.

And the group's time is short. There is real work here that needs done. For each of you. This is God work we are up to you and I! Keep on!

Now my loving son, get on with your present work--your real work awaits.

While this writing was stunning, I have not yet excised my bad habits. I have been working on them. In past posts I have reported that I have been working on personal issues that involve the 1st and 2nd chakras. These habits reside in those areas. It takes a great deal of effort to process work in these areas and it can't be rushed. I will simply report that I'm working on it.

There is more to report about that which I am about but put it in another post.

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

No Reason to Panic


There is no reason to panic with what I am about to report. I didn't panic and if I didn't, then there's no reason for the readers of this blog to do so.

While visiting with my friend in San Leandro, I woke up last Monday morning unable to see out of my left eye.

There was a web of small gray dots that was meshing together to obliterate most of my sight. I could see some bits of light and shapes but nothing definitive. Due to this "blindness" in the left I was I was having trouble focusing my right eye. I sat quietly over coffee and toast waiting to see if this was just a temporary thing. Alas, it was not.

I went to the drug store, picked up a eye patch and now was more easily able to focus my right eye. I decided that I would prefer to deal with this issue in Chatsworth. I drove the six hours with my left eye patched. I would periodically check to see if I was still blind, but other than that I simply drove.

Yes, yes being blind in one eye could have been scary--many may have panicked. I simply chose not to. I sincerely mean this. I chose not to. I realized that such an emotional response was not going to serve me or repair the eye, so I chose to remain peaceful.

I did call my friends in Chatsworth and left voice mails that stated I could use some assistance. They did eventually return my call--as I pulled up in front of the condo. They had a name of good optometrist. Before making an appointment, I decided to check in with my insurance company as I was here in California and wanted to verify my coverage here. Lo and behold, I learned I haven't had health insurance since I retired. As simple as that, I could not see a doctor for my ailment.

I called Retiree Services to find out what had happened to my coverage. They were surprised to learn that I was entitled to health insurance. (Some employees do not get coverage, as a union member, I do.) They were apologetic and expedited enrollment.

Meanwhile, my eyesight improved each day. I still had to use an eye patch on Tuesday to be able to focus enough to read and/or type. I often blew the screen up to 150% to be able to see without strain. At first my eyesight seemed to improve from the outside edge in and by Wednesday there were patches of sight. I found I could somewhat read with that eye. This was greatly improved by Thursday but there were still dots of blindness.

I am grateful to the those who served to expedite my enrollment--even if I did not get coverage until Thursday. I was able to get an appointment for Friday morning with an Ophthalmologist that my friend's optometrist suggested.

So the report is this: There are still dots of blindness and I often have to squint my left eye and force my eyes to focus. After extensive testing, mostly what we learned it what it's not such as degenerative eye disease or a detached retina, or a cataract or glaucoma. All that appeared was a very subtly inflamed optic nerve. The doctor felt this was due from reduced blood flow to the nerve. Most likely caused by a blood clot or a bit of blood plague or cholesterol lodging in the veins to the nerve. Additional blood tests have been ordered and I have an appointment in two weeks. Planning on the results we may choose to have additional testing in regards to the blood flow to the brain and therefore the eye. I am not suffered from headaches or any other symptoms that might indication a deeper issue. The doctor suspects that my eyesight will continue to improve and sees no reason that there might be a repeat of the episode.

He approved me returning to exercise. I had not exercised for a week and attended a water aerobics class last evening. My muscles resisted the idea of exercise and I am sore today.

Now as to all of those who are wondering why I didn't call them, or inform them of my condition the answer is quite simple. I chose not to panic. I saw this as not life threateneing and mostly just an inconvenience. I didn't have answers to what was going on, and I chose to remain calm about all of this. In this post I both inform my dear devoted supporters of the condition and the answers as I have them.

I thank you for your love and concern and remind you that if I can chose to be peaceful about all of this, so can you.

My eyesight is still not perfect and I am adapting . . . meanwhile the journey continues.

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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

More thoughts


"The beauty of facing life unprepared is tremendous. Then life has a newness, a youth; then life has a flow and freshness. Then life has so many surprises. And when life has so many surprises, boredom never settles in you."- Osho

My mind is full of thoughts this morning. I realize I haven't posted for some time and today I make three postings. It's just the way it is. The above quote came across my email this morning. It somewhat explains how we live as Harmonists. We are very in tune to the flow of life. We pay attention to synchronicity and what the universe is unfolding before us.

I thought the readers of this blog might like a report about how I am doing in regards to the re-balancing of myself--body, mind and spirit. I continue to go to water aerobics, nearly daily and many days twice daily.

I have applied for several jobs. Let's see, I applied for a Personal Assistant position, a couple of voice over projects. I considering working as a shipment clerk at an Adult Internet site--where I would have had to pick Adult DVD's up from studios, deliver them to a warehouse, and then deliver the prepared shipments to the post office. No, I did not apply, just considered. Just didn't feel in balance with who I am at the moment.

I had a job interview yesterday as a housesitter. I would work mostly as a groundskeeper and then take care of their dogs when they were absent. In return I would live rent free in a cottage on their property. This place has to be seen to be believed. It's a couple of hours away from where I am presently staying. It's nearly at the top of a mountain about an hour north of San Diego. The view is stunning. There are others being interviewed and I will let you know if I get the job.

As I drove to the interview I thought if I got the above job that it would be nice to start to write again and to work on my book. Please understand this is just an inkling of a thought process. I do not believe now is the moment, but perhaps soon. This is progress, as I haven't much thought about it since arriving.

I continue to process and heal deep issues. It seems inappropriate to share the details here. What is important to know is that I am not idle in this regard, progress is being made.

So with report, I can once again say . . . the journey continues.
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More Rewoods


Last weekend several of us went north to Petaluma to see Maria's cousin's band open for The Lost Boys-a teenage boy band. Both bands were good and The Lost Boys were highly energetic and very professional as they dealt with a misbehaving sound system. The audience was a mix of squealing teenage girls and adults who were mostly disinterested. It was and a great experience. We went on to spend the night with my cousins in Santa Rosa who treated us with a royal breakfast.

Afterwards we made our way to Muir Woods, a National Park with redwoods. Redwoods! Call me a tree hugger if you will, but I do love these old trees. This park is very different from Memorial Park where Brother Tree lives. There are "stay on the trail" signs along much of the trail. Luckily we were able to find a trail not so marked. While this photo does show me on the trail, we were able to find a group of trees to commune with. My report continues in the post below this one.
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More Redwoods continued


So I know readers of this blog want to know if I met another tree that talked to me. And the answer is yes. Several. Several more than several. The energy of this forest overwhelmed me when I first arrived--I got lightheaded and was glad I had my walking stick with me. I soon adjusted as met several trees I would have loved to have communed with but there were the damned aforementioned signs, so was unable to.

As the three of us walked in the forest in the midst of this Sunday crowd, we agreed that there should be a Silent Sunday. We listened to people talk about the forest but seem to miss the experience we were having. We found ourselves speaking softly, almost whispering. There were stairs to the right that the main crowd was not taking--and so we elected to do so. Even with the stairs, the trail was great!

One of the group found this great group of greats to commune with and invited us to joy her. Three or four of the group were burnt out, much as Brother Tree is.

This group of trees was very interesting in that they seemed to be connecting their energy to each other. Sitting in the center was a very loving experience. (I don't know if I have told you before that a tree's energy is very gentle and loving. Much like body temperature water flowing over you. Multiply this by the number of trees and with a factor of the age of the trees and you start to understand the intensity of this gentle love.) So we sat in the center of these trees and just soaked in the loving energy. It is easy to feel at one with the trees. I sincerely wish that everyone could experience trees the way I do. In fact, I propose that you can--if you get quiet enough to feel the tree's energy. I took the lower photo while I sat communing with the trees. Click on it to enlarge it and you might be able to feel what it felt like to sit in the center of them.

I asked the burned out tree if it knew Brother Tree. He responded that he was his Brother--in spirit. He spoke of knowing of my healing of Brother Tree. I tried to explain it was not me but my friend who had healed, but he pushed me off, he shushed me and told me that he knew what I had done. He went on to say "Now, let us heal you." With that I could feel a warmth come over me and I just sat and soaked it up. How does one respond to such a thing? With gratitude, with a gentle and loving gratitude.

I will conclude this post with an observation. As I walked in the forest I became aware that the trees were in need of love. They had not been loved enough. I know that seems impossible considering how crowed the forest was. There is a difference between being looked at or even appreciated it and being loved. I hope that the next time you visit a forest that you might remember that the trees are living things, that they indeed do have feelings and while you don't have to hug a tree for it to feel your love, perhaps you can remember the gentle and loving touch of a beloved grandmother and remember the tree feels your touch and your love.
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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Moving On


This sunset was over the bay at San Leandro looking towards San Francisco. It was wondeful to watch the fog roll in and then the sun reflect off both the fog and clouds. As it was dusk I wasn't sure I would be able to capture this picture without the flash going off--I am happy with the result. This is my last day in Santa Rosa. I move on to Chatsworth tomorrow. There is another Camp Harmony scheduled with weekend. I am looking forward to being with my fellow Harmonists (in the tradition of the Transcendentalists.) Posted by Picasa

Monday, September 07, 2009

Recovery

I have been spoiling the readers of this blog by supplementing these posts with a photo. I have run out. Or don't have anything recent. So you will just have to enjoy reading the words without a photo.

I drove out quickly--in just two days time. Sixteen hours the first day, and fourteen the next. And I have seemed to be in recovery since. Over the weekend I seemed to need a bit more sleep and was a bit groggy. I assume this is from fatiguing myself during the drive.

Yet if you are a reader of this blog you know that I am also in a growth period. I have created a great deal of inner turmoil in an effort to find an even deeper sense of peace. That process continues even as I am enjoying my present visit with my cousins. (These are the foodies that I often visited while I lived in Oregon.)

Later this week, I will make my way to visit with a friend and we will once again make the trip to Pascadaro and the redwoods. I am looking forward to it. I always find peace amongst the redwoods. Does this make me a tree hugger? Perhaps. All I know is that I feel their energy and it is wonderful. I wish everyone could feel what I do.

I hope you are enjoying your Labor Day weekend. I miss so many people, yet know I am where I need to be.

The Journey continues.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Returning to Camp Harmony

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Sunday I will leave for Iowa to visit family and to pick up some of what I have stored there. I will leave Tuesday for Santa Rosa where I'll spend a week or so. I am sure to visit the redwoods once again. Sometime in during the following week I will head south to the LA area--there is another Camp Harmony scheduled.

Anyone who has been following this blog will know that that the last Camp Harmony had a profound effect upon me. I have been reluctant to share those experiences with anyone beyond my most intimate friends. Yet this move to California will surprise and perhaps bewilder some of my most devoted supporters.

I have shared many experiences on this blog that have been beyond many peoples experience or even understanding. Yet they have been very real to me, and part of my life. So too are the experiences of Camp Harmony. Recently I wrote a lenghty letter to a friend descriibng those experiences. I have edited it to down to eleven pages. If you are truly interested, then you can read it on my From the Barn blog. The link is at the bottom of the page.

I will address the main issue of my book. No, it is not edited. Nor have I felt a need or desire to do so. The simpliest explanation is that I am not ready. I haven't abanonded it, nor have I even postposed it. I am very aware that what I am presently going through is part of the book process. As I went into the Camp Harmony retreat I came to realize that to fulfull all that the publishing of my book means, I must become balanced in body, mind and spirit.

As I said that, I thought I was very balanced in spirit and mind, and needed a lot of work on my body. That ought to teach me to think. lol. During the last few weeks I have been in great turmoil as I have strived to bring about the balance that I believe is not just necessary but essential. I have often said that I am at peace and harmony with and for my entire life. And so it might be surprising that I can be in such turmoil. (You can read more about this in the forementined article, but there is more to this than even what I share there.) What might surpsie you even more is that I chose to be in such turmoil. I can only say that it takes a great inner peace to chose such internal turmoil in effort to discover an even deeper sense of inner peace.

I don't know how long I will say in California. Long enough to get a job to support myself. I need to be close to my friends as this journey continues to unfold.

The journey continues.

http://journeychapters.blogspot.com/2009/08/camp-harmony-experiences.html

Monday, August 17, 2009

Still not editing


This rock formation is near Chatsworth, California where I was recently spent time in retreat with some great people. I have already posted about that experience but wanted to share this picture.

I have not yet edited my book. I had hoped to do so recently when while I was in Iowa to house sit for a vacationing cousin . While in route, I learned his brother had passed away. He had fought a hard battle against cancer for the last two years. His passing was a blessing but of course greatly grieved my family. My cousin did not take his vacation trip and instead of house sitting I helped my family at this time of loss.

I have returned to Illinois and have not felt like editing the book. It will come in all due time. Meanwhile I have applied for several house sitting jobs in California. I hope to live there for several months so I can be closer to my friends. House sitting seems like the perfect retirement job for me. It provides a place to stay and quiet to work on the book.

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Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Changes



This picture is from the first day of my current trip to California. While it was great to set my feet in the Pacific Ocean the water was still cold--certainly not as cold as in San Francisco Bay or even along the Oregon Coast--but it was still too cold to swim in for me. This was along Venice Beach and it was great fun to see all the funky people and shops. Yet that visit feels almost like ancient history.

I have just completed a seven day intensive retreat. I spoke briefly about this retreat in my last post. Of course, I was not alone and I spoke of the four people I was with in the last post. They are incredibly loving and powerful people. It was great to be amongst my peers. Please, do not read that as an egotistical statement.

We shared a strong desire to truly move beyond whatever personal issue we felt was holding us back from achieving the success we desired in and for our lives. Weeach brought high levels of experience, integrity, authenticity and consciousness to the group. We each brought a strong ability to stay in the moment and to trust our intuitions. This often manifested itself as saying the right thing/doing the right thing at the right moment that seemed to perfectly aid the process that was currently working. This included the ability to suggest just the right song for the moment and we have developed a soundtrack for the retreat. This diverse list includes music from U2, Crash Test Dummies, Marillion, John Denver, the Afro Celt Sound System, the soundtrack from Oliver as well as others. We each feel we have been profoundly changed by this retreat.


I started the week with the intention of understanding the issues that caused me to hold my weight. In the last post I spoke of working with my inner wounded child. This child felt protected by my layers of fat. Healing that child and bringing him fully into my heart helped fulfil my intention. So did one more process. A process that was so intense that I choose not to share it here. Through that process I came to understand that I did not have to be "big" to be seen or to be heard. I also do not have to be "big" to be able to be the powerful spiritual person that I am.

I could once again use a word that I far too often use (profound) but it might be more helpful for you to understand the change by describing how it has manifested itself: my body is talking to me. My body is telling me what it wants to eat. I know this is strange to hear and maybe even hard to believe but it is my real life experience. Imagine going to a restaurant and thinking that you were hungry for a hamburger but you're told by your body that it wants a salad. I ordered the salad. And it was great! More satisfying that I think the hamburger would have been. One evening we had all gone out to eat and I had ordered an entree and a dinner salad. The salad was great and I was looking forward to the entree. When it arrived at my table, I was no longer hungry for it--in fact it was nearly unappetizing--yet was exactly what I had ordered. I had it boxed up, and ordered another salad. This is not a diet. I am not sacrificing and what I eat is more satisfying that I thought possible. This is a lifestyle change. Oh, and i find my body likes to move: dancing, exercising walking and hiking.

I return to Illinois tomorrow.

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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Family & More

I went to my family reunion in Bloomfield, Iowa on July 18th. We gathered at The Reunion Memorial Garden to remember and honor our family. This photo is of that garden. We begin each reunion this way. This was 25th Anniversary of the reunion and over 85 people were in attendance. It was a wonderful event.

I realize I haven't blogged for awhile, and can only say that my life has been busy. I was only back in Illinois a week before I went to Iowa for a week. I was once again in Illinois for a week when I returned to the west coast. This time to California.

I am near Burbank, California and am in retreat with some dear and loving friends. We call our retreat Camp Harmony. There are five of us here in attendance, and until Monday I had only met my dear friend Maria. Friendship with her is what we all have in common. That and being spirit and energy conscious people. It is hard to describe what this spiritual retreat is like. The words that come to mind are intense and loving. We almost instantly created a deep and loving bond that has allowed us to to "do" some intensive intrapersonal work. We each are working on issues that we wanted to work past.

For instance, I worked with my inner child Ricky yesterday. I intuited that this wounded child was part of my weight issue. This inner child has surrounded himself with fat to both protect itself and to be noticed. I'm sure there are those reading this that will not understand what I am talking about. And that is fine. It's my experience. I will just share that it was a emotionally draining hour. It is hard to describe the exercise to those who have not done inner work other than to use the word intense. I feel this event brought profound healing to me and is typical of the work we are doing while in retreat. And today is just day four of our week long retreat.

I will returning to Illinois next Wednesday for two days and then I'm returning to Iowa. My cousin has invited me to house sit while his family vacations. I intend to use the time to edit my book.

I live a nearly miraculous life. No. Let me correct that. I do live a miraculous life!

The journey continues.
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Thursday, July 09, 2009

Home?

I have arrived in Green Valley, Illinois. These daylillies are from my collection and are part of the front yard in my old house. My ex-wife is graciously letting me stay here while I am in transition. This is not home, and neither does Iowa feel like home. If I had to say where home was, I would say Oregon. It feels very surreal as I continue to meet and catch up with my friends. I have a very busy July and it may be August before I work on editting the book but I did come to a realization today.

Many of you were aware that I spent a lot of time in 2007 at the Pekin Riverfront writing. Between meetings, I returned there today to a bit of computer work. I realized I could edit my book there. It would seem almost poetic as many of the writings included in the book were received at the riverfront.

Other than a delightful summer cold, I am doing well.

The Journey continues.
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Monday, July 06, 2009

It's not a secret


My last post indicated that I was editing my last chapter which I did complete. The truth is that I have received the last words, and the book is basically complete. This is the first draft and it is not ready for a publisher yet, but neither do I need to remain in Oregon. I had a dear friend ask if this was a secret and why it wasn't posted on my blog. And I realized she had a point, this information is not a secret. But she had another observation as well. I am on the left side of the country to do the creative portion of the book and am moving back east to do the editing or the critical portion . Which corresponds with using the left/right part of the brain. Although I am just moving to back to the Midwest, I liked her observation.
This picture is of the Rogue River Gorge that I visited week before last. I left Oregon as of July 1st. I spent a couple of days in Santa Rosa visiting my cousins and then a couple of days with a dear friend in San Leandro. We went to visit the redwoods again which is always a mystical experience for me.
And today, I am in Coalville, Utah just east of Salt Lake City.
The Journey continues.
Oh, and would you like to know the last words I received from God . . . they were "And I love you."
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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Crater Lake

Made the trip to Crater Lake yesterday. Wow! This shade of blue is hard to describe. There is a road that follows the rim of the crater and part of it was closed due to snow. Snow! I will post more photos as the week unfolds. I also stopped by The Rogue River Gorge and will post pics from there as well.

Meanwhile, it is back to editing the last chapter.
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

More Progress

This picture is from my trip to the Avenue of Giants. It is one of my favorite pictures. I do like trees.

I have been making excellent progress. I did answer the question about my Christianity. It took almost 20 pages. I do like to hear myself talk. lol.

I have also completed the discussion about prayer, which was nearly another 20 pages, and so if you've been keeping track--that means this chapter sits at 90 pages. And the grand total (drum roll please) is about 270 pages.

The last chapter will be a compilation of my past writings. That is my next project.

I am going to Crater Lake sometime this week and hope to have pictures to post.

The Journey continues.
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Question


I have been making progress on this chapter-55 pages. I believe there are only two more subjects to include on this chapter about Love & Faith.

From these postings it is quite clear that I believe in angels and that I believe in God but the question everyone wants to know is if I consider myself to be a Christian. That is what I am posed with in this chapter. And it's a difficult question to answer. I am struggling to answer it.

The struggle isn't IF I consider myself to be a Christian, but HOW I define it. I know what my feelings are, but they are difficult to articulate. I'm sure God and I will figure it out.

And the last subject is about prayer and that I do not pray the way I once did.

The Journey continues.
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Thursday, June 11, 2009

More Progress


I promised that I would post my photos from my recent visit to the Oregon Coast. The two photos that are side by side are of the same beach. The other two photos are of different beaches.

I continue to make progress on this chapter, now some 34 pages. I have been reading more of my past writings and will soon start writing again.

The Journey Continues.
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